UnNews:RNC recommends Americans become entrepreneurs to pay for healthcare
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
WASHINGTON DC -- In an effort to address concerns about the affordability of coverage, Republican congressional officials advised Americans to all become entrepreneurs to pay for healthcare coverage. Americans are advised to start selling products, such as their vehicles, their home, their elderly parents, and their children. In the event that they have none of these things, they should sell shopping carts, since these can be found in abundance in grocery store parking lots. "Everybody knows that owning your own business is the fast ticket to riches, and mortgaging or selling houses and investing the money will pay for healthcare for years to come. Selling all vehicles you have is not only a great way to cover healthcare, but a great way to reduce greenhouse emissions and prevent climate change", stated Paul Ryan. "This is why we are working diligently on the 28th Amendment, which would permit transfers of guardianship for consideration, and provide that no US citizen or business ever will be forced under duress of penalty or fine to buy anything from other citizens or businesses that they do not desire, such as insurance of any kind, whether it be liability insurance or health insurance."
Rush Limbaugh fully endorsed the new proposed constitutional amendment, stating "People should quit using birth control, and use their children the way God intended - as energetic labor for industrial corporations. No more will parents have to resort to the black market to sell their teens and children to the sleazy sex industry when ALL corporations and businesses now can hire minors without a minor work permit, and without petty bureaucratic red tape regulations restricting their working hours. The corporations will provide room and board for the children, hands-on training in production-line robot building for bored teens, and provide a much-needed source of funding for parents who take advantage of this offer as codified in HB666. And as a result, no more babies need be killed by abortions, and working class Americans can pop out as many babies as they need to afford healthcare, guns, and ammunition. Not only that, but no more will Americans have to pay for nursing homes when they can sell their elders as permanent test subjects for pharmaceutical corporations."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Anonymous "GOP Recommends Americans Set Aside Income From One Of Their Jobs To Pay For Healthcare Under New Bill" The Onion, March 13, 2017