UnNews:Punishment fit for a queen?

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

11 April 2006

The Queen thought no one was watching.

SINGAPORE - Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong has signed an arrest warrant for Britain's Queen Elizabeth II today, calling for her surrender to the Singapore authorities. During her official state visit March 16, 2006, an astute UnNews photographer snapped a quick one of Her Majesty surrepticiously digging for gold. When her husband Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, caught her in the act he was heard to say, "Pick me a Rolls, and don't scrape the fenders", a secret Windsor code phrase.

President S.R. Nathan, in a press conference said, "I mean, she was... I shook her hand, for the love of Allah! Do you know what kind of awful diseases are spread by picking... oh, I can't even say it!"

Since becoming a civilized nation in 1965, Singapore has maintained martial cleanliness laws, said to be patterned on former prime minister Lee Kuan Yew's OCD. Although Singapore's laws provide for capital punishment in crimes against hygiene such as nose picking or urinating in elevators, the Queen is expected to get off lightly with caning and a heavy fine.

Since the Queen of the British Empire and all the known universe announced her intention on April 10 to "kick arse and take names", puppet Prime Minister Tony Blair speculated, "As queen of the universe, it hardly seems appropriate to subject Her Majesty to the laws of men. I'd like to see the buggers try to come get her."

Sources

• Spike Li "Queen will not bow to our obsessions" Singapore Ministry of Information, April 11, 2006