UnNews:Privileged people envious according to study
Friday, March 23, 2019
SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA - A recently published scientific study has shown that 100% of privileged people are envious. In the study, participants were asked various questions about what made them envious ranging from perceptions of skin color all the way down to the appropriation of cultural trends created by non-privileged people, with almost all of the answers being statements about from "they kill each other" to "they're conspiring to get rid of us" to even the most ridiculous answer, which was a written advertisement for joining the Ku Klux Klan.
The study was conducted within a 9 year period with almost all of the participants having 6 or 7 figure sums and some of them even owning a Fortune 500 company. All of the responses were then compared to responses from non-privileged people and contrasted with events that happened throughout history that involved non-privileged people such as the 1992 LA Riots; they also analyzed the cultures of hip-hop, street art and various aspects of guerilla warfare.
This discovery has not shocked the world, with various posts on Twitter and Instagram showcasing mundanity and general obviousness towards the revelation. The revelation has however caused a rousing within the privileged, many of which have defended their privilege.
One such privileged person, who has remained anonymous to avoid clowning on Twitter, had this to say about the subject.
| “ | I think those scientists made the study look like we're the unfair ones. I mean we had to do what we had to do in order to make sure that we retained our position in the proverbial food chart; just look at them blacks for example... they have the ungodly ability to stand in the sun and not get sunburn while I have to apply sunscreen to stand in the sun for long hours and then reapply it again after a specific period of time? And what about the music they make? It's degenerate and degrading cause it doesn't talk about pick-up trucks or farming. We send police to protect us and they blame us for all the crime and poverty, it's so unfair man! | ” |
The privileged people have since started up an organization called "Privilege Preservation Society" in response to the study, stating that it is time to "Make America Privileged Again" by getting rid of everything they envy. At press time, top members of PPS refused to comment on rumors that they were talking with Donald Trump into declaring a national emergency against envy.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Mary C. Lamia Ph.D. "Being Envied Is Not Enviable" Psychology Today, December 30, 2011
- Sarah Foulkes "Let’s Talk About Envy" The Huffington Post, March 15, 2015