UnNews:Pakistani protesters burn effigy of themselves.
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
20 June 2007
PAKISTAN, Asia - Following a recent spout of non-violent pyromanic protests in rural India, some rural villagers have taken to burning effigies of themselves by way of apology for their recent displays of dis-taste following the knighthood of Salman Rushdie.
Humility
The residents of villages all over Pakistan realised the error of their ways when they saw how 'visibly upset' a young English child was at recent images of them burning an effigy of various English avatars, including the Queen, the Union Flag, the humble teapot, the pinstriped suit and a portion of 'fish'n'chips'. The protesters said the child has 'doused the flames in their heart' and immediately started work on an effigy of Pakistani symbols such as the curry house, the Mercedes and the AK47.
Stunts
It has been noted by various sources in the past that some of the poorer areas of Pakistan have to rely on publicity abroad to provide food and shelter for their families, in fact the custom of burning an effigy of anything that offends them dates back hundreds of years. This custom has not been without incident. When Exxon Mobil were planning a pipeline through a small village in La Hore a group of protesters burned a large barrel of jet fuel in the middle of the village square, with obvious disastrous consequences. The village has yet to pay for the fuel.
Apology
With a solemn air of dignity and poise the villagers in question ignited their remorse upon a barrage of cheers from the Associated Presses 'Rural Foreign Angst' wing. They vowed that in future they will wexpress their distaste via the more peaceful Western method of trade embargoes, letter-writing campaigns and aging celebrity endorsements.
AP have yet to confirm their feelings on this decision, though they are seeking damages from the tearful English child mentioned above for countless lost revenue in the pissed off Muslim articles that have been lining their pockets for the last fifteen years. AP insiders report that plans for an effigy of said English child are underway.