UnNews:Obama Buys Pornhub

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Sunday, May 13th, 2019

Obama smiles as the ink dries on his PornHub purchase.

On May 10th, the Canadian porn website PornHub announced that they are up for sale and 30 minutes later announced that they were being purchased. Former U.S. President Barack Obama announced that he had purchased the website the next day. When asked about his purchase he told press the following "I purchased PornHub because Michelle hasn't had sex with me in a while and I'm leaking our sextapes until she decides she wants to have sex again." Two of the alleged videos have been published each ranging 30 to 40 seconds. Michelle Obama later was seen heading to the secretary of state and walking away with divorce papers. A Pornhub representative was then on an interview saying. "I don't know why they sold the site. But when we found out who bought us it was funny as fuck. Nobody believed it until Obama walked in the room and said he would fire us if we told anyone before he made an official statement."

President Donald J. Trump received the news late Sunday evening, and offered this comment: "They'll never catch me alive, fuckers! Wait, they didn't find anything?"

Sources[edit]

Marshall Mathers "Obama Buys Pornhub" Hustler, May 13, 2019