UnNews:New Zealand Prime Minister Denies Nudity Led to Death
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
18 August 2008
NEW ZEALAND -- Helen Clark has struck back at claims made by presenters on early morning news show, Sunrise, that the sight of her grossly misshapen naked body was responsible for the death of a respected mountain Guide.
Clark, who had been tramping in the remote mountains of New Zealands South Island, was flown back to civilisation after the sudden death of expedition leader Rex Simpson.
Simpson, a former Nuclear Physicist and world recognised poon-hound, collapsed sometime during the second night of the trip, grasping at his eyes and screaming loudly. Clark and the rest of the party attempted to revive him, but Simpson willingly passed away when Clark expressed interest in performing Mouth to Mouth.
Allegations came to light this morning on Sunrise that photographic evidence showed the New Zealand Prime Minister wandering around the cabin fully nude, and that the sight of her hideously deformed body had caused Simpson to collapse screaming.
Speaking on radio this afternoon, Clark has denied the allegations. "I catergorically deny any nudity on my part. Having seen the reaction of small children and animals on previous occassions, I am very careful about letting the twins out. Let alone the dark forest."
Her husband, who no one remembers the name of, also stated that he had "never seen it naked, and never plan too. Touch wood."
The existence of photos have also been called into question, with experts theorising that "Going by the look of its face, I doubt any camera would be able to take a naked photo of it without asploding." One scientist expressed an interest in looking at the retinas of the deceased to see if an image of the naked Prime Minister had been burned into them. Unfortunately during the examination his head asploded.
Investigations into the exact cause of death are on-going.
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- August 18, 2008
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