UnNews:New Harvest Moon Game Sparks Un-expected Controversy and Violence
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 June 2008
NEWYORK NY USA' In New York last Sunday Natsume Inc. released their newest game; Harvest Moon Okami Naru Haiji, The excitement among the bottom 4% of the country's teen-aged gaming audience was overwhelming. only 28 hours after release, a fight at 51st Street High School that lead to the Near death of teen was fueled by the game's influence. Jordan Bakerman and Paul Harris had been good friends for years, until today at lunch, Jordan Bakerman said "Ooooh I was playing HMONH last night and I married Fruma-San, I bet you're wicked jealous!" Paul Harris responded swiftly with "OH sure, I bet you can't even get Naru-Sa-lo Harvest Goddess of the Narisbous Forest!" "Want to say that to my face!? I have 49 harvest Munchkins" "Oh yeah!? I have 52 Harvest Munchkins and I married Laru-San!" After this obvious Burn, Bakerman Punched Harris in the nose yelling "Taste My Hoe! Taste my Hoe!" Harris stood up, and whacked Bakerman with a chair, Bakerman, who had fallen was bleeding heavily "Now you know not to fuck with a level 78 Turnip Farmer/ Level 62 Cow wrangler!!!" Harris conquered. Bakerman and Harris were arrested for assault, Bakerman was tried for Verbal Molestation after saying "Taste my Hoe!" Repeatedly. Dora Saunders of M.A.V.G.A.F (Mothers against Video Games, Alcohol and Fun) said "Children are very vulnerable to the Video gaming corporation's mind pollution" after a long puff she continued "If we don't stop them now, Nintendo Machines will take over the world and we will be slaves to their alcoholic-" She stopped for another quick puff and said "Ways... *Cough*"
In Baltimore, Norman Young filed a lawsuit against Natsume for one of the Features of the game, Whereas you pay $19 and go into a dark room after some soft music your character comes out of the room "Refreshed" Upon seeing this, Youngt Cried "WHORE! WHORE! THERE ARE FUCKING WHORES AND PROSTITUTES IN THIS GAME HAVING ORAL AND ANAL SEX WITH YOUR CHARACTER! OH GOD! I MUST SHEILD MY EYES!" his wife woke up and said "Norman, it's 2 AM. Stop playing that game." "ITS FILLED WITH WHORES AND ITS ONLY RATED TEEN!!!!!" his children entered the room and said "Is dad having another Game spaz?" "KIDS THERE IS A WHORE IN YOUR FAVORITE VIDEO GAME HARVEST MOON! ILL SHOW YOU!!" "No thanks Dad, Harvest Moon is Gay." They replied.
Tomorrow Natsume is going to court, Norman Young is suing them for 774.4 Billion-Catgillion-Funillion Bazillion Dillion Fillion Million dollars. (500 000 in real numbers) for damages to his new Nintendo DS lite. That he destroyed after relizing he was looking at pornography. Natsume Executive Naruamui Chiazi replied "It's an INN. He's sleeping." Young replied to this as "Oh." Although the Trail is still set to go on, Young is terribly embarrassed. He will be ridiculed widely at the Pub.
At this rate Natsume's Harvest Moon Franchise will die.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Jimmy Nilson "Harvest Moon Rocks My Socks Off." CNN, May 09, 2006