UnNews:New Drug Craze in Schools "Planing"
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
Friday, November 1, 2024
High school children are finding more and more ways to get high, and one of those is "planing". Planing is also known as "The plane game", "P to the A", "Doing the Fuel", and "Fuelery Foolery". The way these unscrupulous hooligans commit the act of planing involves stealing jet fuel, putting it in a gas can, and pouring the fuel up their anal cavities. Half a quart of jet fuel is reported to induce euphoria, hallucinations of cats doing cocaine, and the unstoppable urge to masturbate. Kids who plane have been reported to have a 55% chance of dying at 40.[1]
Planing has a history dating back to the 1940s when a famously retarded oil baron named Joseph Crabbertson decided to give himself an oil enema "because it works for cars".[2] When aspiring oil barons from the early 2020s learned of Crabbertson's shenanigans, they decided to pit an aeronautic twist on his idea. Planing has also had an effect on the economy, particularly the oil and travel industries, as entire crime syndicates have been caught for leeching fuel from entire airplanes to sell on the street. One ringleader of such groups has said "It's what the kids are into these days, they don't want no coke, no MJ, not even LSD. All they want is more jet fuel."[3] Planing is one of the contributing causes to an obscure phenomenon known as "Jack Fever".
Overall, planing is a deadly trend that began as a stupid theory from one of the dumbest oil barons known to man. Notify your children and hide your pets.