UnNews:Movie makers scrape bottom of comics barrel with "Puppyman"
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 January 2007
HOLLYWOOD -- Warner Bros. Entertainment Conglomerate Inc. has released a movie based on the last available comic book superhero character in existence, Puppyman. The movie comes close on the heels of the penultimate comic book character, Matter-Eating Boy, whose movie was released last year.
Puppyman is a superhero who has the head of a puppy because of some freak accident, and freaky powers of some kind that are both a blessing and a curse. He fights bad guys, I guess, and usually wins because of some stupid oversight the criminal makes. The movie cost $100 million to produce, except for the screenplay, because the producers decided they didn't really need one, and were just going to "wing it."
President William Jefferson Clinton was chosen from a group of about a half dozen famous people to play Puppyman, with the ghost of Sir Lawrence Olivier backing him up in the role of Puppyman's deranged scientist father, Dr. Scholl.
"We really decided not to make anything different," said director Guillermo del Toro. "We wanted pretty much a cookie-cutter movie patterned after the previous thousand superhero movies. I mean, come on. They're comics. Our primary audience -- 12-year-olds and virginal adult males -- wouldn't know complex character development and challenging moral dilemma if it jumped up and bit them on their tiny little peckers."
A Puppyman sequel is already in the works, with Jesus Fucking Christ playing Puppyman.