UnNews:Mooninites invade Boston
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
16 April 2013
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS - During the Boston Marathon, the city of Boston came under siege by the Mooninites who as you know, attempted to invade the city in 2007 before being stopped by military forces. Initial reports are unclear about what happened during the siege but from eyewitness reports, we can tell that it was an 8-bit world of terror, with slow moving pixels going all around, fires burning everywhere and even 2 explosions.
Ignignokt, leader of the Mooninites, had prepared this statement at press time.
"Greetings, I am Ignignokt, leader of the Moonintes; as of today we have taken your puny city of Boston. You humans were no match for our advanced moon technology. I mean come on, do you think that a few Earth guns would stop us. We have taken your Boston and we will hold it hostage until you give us what we want. Peace out!"
Nobody knows what the demands are nor what they want but judging from the last time they were in Boston, they either wanted to "get some juicy porn" or "lick their collective balls". The military is holding back, not wanting to be brash and forceful when it comes to a delicate situation like this for one bad move could lead to the destruction of Boston.
President Obama has taken a neutral stance to the matter at hand, saying "I don't want to give in to their demands but at the same time, I want to be as diplomatic as possible" Republicans immediately discarded Obama's comments as weak, saying "they would do anything they can to level the Mooninites to a pulp, even if it meant the destruction of Boston".
UnNews will have more on this as the situation develops.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "Mooninites rock Boston marathon." CBS News, April 15, 2013