UnNews:Local Hyena Appointed Town Crier After Years of 'Crying' Out
Friday, April 25, 2025
UnNews: Local Hyena Appointed Town Crier After Years of 'Crying' Out[edit | edit source]
NEVERTOWN, CA - In a move that has been described as both "hilarious" and "inevitable," local hyena Howler has been appointed as the official Town Crier of Nevertown. This comes after years of Howler unofficially performing the duties, much to the amusement (and occasional annoyance) of the townsfolk.
"We've always had a bit of a... communication issue in Nevertown," admitted Mayor Nutsy. "The traditional bell-ringing just wasn't cutting it. But Howler? Everyone hears Howler."
Howler's distinctive, high-pitched laugh can be heard for miles, a fact that has both endeared him to some and caused others to invest heavily in soundproofing. His new role formalizes what has been a long-standing, if unconventional, part of Nevertown life.
"I'm honored, truly," cackled Howler, wiping a tear from his eye. "I've been practicing my whole life for this! My mother always said I had a voice for public service."
His first official proclamation was delivered at noon today, announcing the annual "Great Nevertown Bake-Off." While the message was clearly received, some residents complained that Howler's delivery included an extended period of uncontrollable laughter, making it difficult to understand the details.
"I think he said something about pies?" mused one resident. "Or maybe it was 'lies'? I'm not entirely sure."
The town council has acknowledged the need for Howler to perhaps modulate his delivery. A committee has been formed to explore options, including elocution lessons and the possible introduction of subtitles.
Despite the challenges, most residents seem pleased with the appointment. "It's certainly... unique," said one local. "But in Nevertown, we've always valued individuality. And besides, you can't deny he's got the lungs for the job."
Howler has promised to serve the town to the best of his (considerable) vocal abilities. His next proclamation is scheduled for tomorrow, weather permitting, and hearing aid sales in Nevertown are expected to spike.