UnNews:Lemons are the new Apples
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
25 October 2006
Due to a recent discovery in the area of lemon picking, scientists have found that there is a link between lemons and apples. Following an accident in which a lemon delivery truck collided with the side of a mountain in Chile, an investigation into this showed that mountain goats in the region had collected these lemons and cultivated them. An outcome of this was the cross-naturing of lemons and the region's famous manzana apples.
Critics claim that this is not possible, as mountain goats lack the foundation of intellect which is required for such agricultural work. "This is an absurd event. If it were my say in the matter, I would question the sanity of these 'scientists' and investigate narcotic traffic into their laboratories".
Experts strongly assert the undubitibility of their findings as Dr. Maniguez Rodriquez Carterez de la Sanchez Rombozale del Monozco states, "Despite the brevity of my name, I conclude that our results are not dubious in any way. They are self-evident and unqeuestionable".
How did this come about? Our scientific correspondent Manolo Sanchez explains - "It is simply a case of condensation in the fruits' sugars. The disaccharide fructose, found in these fruits, have condensed (losing a water molecule to form a polysaccharide).
This new polysaccharide molecule is yet to be named, although scientists from across the globe have offered names, such as Dr. Schoppenhauer Zwitterion of Austria suggestion of 'polyfructoseglucagenicacid1 (to be abbreviated to PFGA). Another suggestion is simply 'polyDave' from Dave Corelli in Australia.
However, some dangers may be posed by this new sugar construction. It has not yet been confirmed that the body is able to handle its complexity if consumed. It may alter the water potential of our body cells and result in spontaneous corpus explodis. More research has yet to be done".