UnNews:Large hadron Collider creates an "Asshole"
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
19 September 2008
GENEVA, Switzerland -- The Large Hadron Collider, Geneva's largest particle accelerator and part dating service has created the ultimate opposite counter part to a black hole, an "asshole". An asshole is about two inches wide, by scientist estimate it can stretch out to twelve inches in diameter. Instead of sucking in matter, an asshole creates and disposes what scientists call "fecal matter." Dr. Yorkie Yankalophsiky of Columbia University comments on this accident:
| “ | I not sure why, but the engineers seemed to accidentally hooked up the piping from my private toilet to the Collider itself, and I just happen to take a load and shave my ass where a piece of skin fell into the toilet. I then flushed. My defecate then circled around in the LHC and formed a hypothetical particle that we dubbed the ass hole. | ” |
Scientists observing the asshole are saying it is producing approximately two metric tons of fecal matter every five seconds. Within time, the earth's orbit will be replaced by an ever-growing meteor belt of fecal matter.