UnNews:Judge upholds moussaka ban
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 December 2007
INGERRRRLAND, Hampshire - A publican has failed in her appeal against a conviction for using a greek dish to receive live images of UK live lager lager lagerball games instead of paying extortionate fees to broadcaster BairB.
Bar babe Barbara Barberella was appealing - until she put on weight and received a criminal record - against a conviction for copyright theft she received in June this year. The conviction followed after police and BairB investigators caught her using a plate of moussaka as a satellite dish, having previously returned her £14,000 a month BairB satellite dish.
“I think it looks quite attractive really”
Judgement day[edit | edit source]
During the original persecution, the judge judged Barbara as a criminal, fined her £500, bound her over to keep the peace in Afghanistan and condemned her to death by stoning, crucifixion and by having small pieces of turf surgically inserted into her lungs.
The judge heard evidence that BairB investigators had visited the premises in February, two months after she escaped from her contract with BairB and one month after they expected her to come back begging for more overpriced live lager lager lager lagerball - and found that live lager lagerball was still being shown in the pub. A further three week undercover operation using remote controlled bats revealed a large moussaka dish on the roof clearly tuned to lager lager lagerball.
Whilst ruling that using a Greek dish to receive live lager lager lagerball was in breach of copyright protection, the judge acknowledged that this protection did not extend to dead lager lager lagerball and that the pub was perfectly entitled to transmit these images. Barbara's lawyers had complained that this would mean that she would only be able to screen England international matches.
“Who's the w@*%$r?, Who's the w@*%$r?, Who's the w*@ker in the wig?, Who's the w@*%$r in the wig?”
Not fair[edit | edit source]
During the appeal hearing the judge heard appealing evidence from the mouths of witnesses and in a looking he looked at some documents. The judge rejected her appeal on the grounds that she was overweight and had a criminal record. He also revealed that he had a substantial investment in BairB to protect.
In his judgement the judge wrote "So far as this case is concerned it is over. I have made my decision and any further appeal is pointless unless successful. I am the law, I make the law and god help you if you break the law. As far as competition law goes, the law is not a competition and the sooner people realise this the better"
Lawyers always win[edit | edit source]
Speaking outside the court, Barbara's lawyer said "I get paid by the hour not by results. In footballing terms this result is a setback but not a disaster. We've lost the first leg and are in the 14th minute of extra time in the second leg of a domestic cup replay. The ref has made some awful decisions but the lads are just getting into their stride and its not over until the final whistle blows. There is still plenty of time for us to get the result we need and for me to earn much, much more money out of this than I have already."
Sober implications[edit | edit source]
The ruling means that Barbara is still a criminal and will have to stay on the dish offenders register. She will have to replace the moussaka dish with a more traditional dish of suasage and mash within two weeks.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- BBC "["http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7155939.stm" Defeat in pub TV football appeal]" The Red White & Blue, Southsea, Hampshire, December 21, 2007