UnNews:Judge Sues Over Lost Toothpaste Cap
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
15 June 2007
JUDGE ROY PEARSON is suing former houseguest and fellow Judge John Stetson for losing the cap for the Colgate Toothpaste belonging to Pearson. In this landmark 16 Billion dollar case, Pearson is suing for "emotional damages" and "lost and stolen property." "[John] told me he had forgotten his toothpaste, and I, in an extreme act of kindness, allowed him to borrow mine. However, he then stole the cap to my nearly full tube of Colgate toothpaste, causing it to immediately dry up. Such malicious intent should require strict punishment."
"You know, I think I dropped it behind his sink," Stetson said in response to the accusations. "He won't let me look, though." Pearson, who has a history of stupid cases, is certain he'll get the payoff he says he needs. "I really deserve this," said Pearson. It's always horrifying to have something you're so sure of, something so banal as toothpaste, gone." Stetson, too, is determined- I'm confident I can win a case so mind-numbingly dumb as this one. Pearson, who is by all accounts an asshole, sums up everybody's reaction to this case: "So I'm being a jerk. What's it to you?"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "Dumbass Judge sues for 54 million dollar pants" ABC News, June, 2007