UnNews:Huge Fat Barbie Bitch launched by Mattel

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Wednesday, February 10, 2016


Huge Fat Barbie Bitch (tm) comes with a six-pack of beer and features the warm, sensuous aroma of bacon.

"Our brand represents female empowerment," Mattel President and COO Dick "Dickie" Dickson told UnNews. "It's about choices, and our belief is that this iconic brand should represent women of all sizes and shapes, no matter how vomit-inducing. If Barbie really lets herself go and puts on a couple of hundred pounds porking out on junk food and cheap alcohol she is mirroring the reality of her gender, it's important that we reflect modern women in all their guises."

The new plus-sized doll will feature a range of exciting new outfits including Trailer Trash (tm), Crack Ho (tm) and Your Mama (tm) Barbies. The basic model comes dressed in a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and a vest top, and features realistic pizza stains and varicose veins. Unlike the hard bodied traditional Barbie the new doll is made from a new softer plastic to allow for realistic skin flaps.

Some critics has been quick to complain at the high price for the new doll range, but Mattel are keen to point out the additional costs involved for the extra amounts of polyvinyl chloride, synthetic fiber, elastomer, PBT and water-based paint needed to create the fuller figured figure. Though still only 11.5 inches in height Huge Fat Barbie Bitch (tm) utilises as much material as seventeen regular-sized dolls, and weighs roughly about the same as a two year old toddler.

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