UnNews:Gremlins hijack local clocks; city panics

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Friday, December 16, 2022

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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.

On December 17th, 2022, a highly unusual event took place in the small town of Podunk, USA. At precisely 3:14pm, all of Podunk's clocks simultaneously ceased working. The devices, which range from antique grandfather clocks to modern digital timepieces, all froze at the exact same moment much to the confusion and dismay of the town's residents.

Upon investigation, it was discovered that the cause of the clock malfunction was a group of mischievous gremlins who had snuck into the town's clocktower and tampered with the inner workings of the timekeeping devices. The gremlins, who are notorious for causing chaos and mischief wherever they go, had apparently grown tired of their usual pranks and decided to escalate their mischief.

In the aftermath of the incident, the town's residents were forced to rely on their smartphones and other electronic devices to tell the time, leading to widespread panic and pandemonium. Many people were late for appointments, while others completely lost track of time and ended up missing important events altogether.

Despite the chaos caused by the gremlins, the town's mayor, a Mr. Harold Hiney, remained calm and composed. "We may have lost our clocks, but we haven't lost our sense of community." he said in a press conference. "We will weather this storm together and come out stronger on the other side." Adding, "And I'm sick and tired of everyone in this town laughing at me! Stop calling me 'Harry Hiney'!"

As of this writing, no gremlins have been apprehended nor have the clocks yet been repaired and reset. Podunk residents are advised to remain vigilant-keeping a close eye on their timekeeping devices lest more fall victim to the mischievous antics of gremlins.