UnNews:Gas stations begin giving away free gasoline

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3 July 2006

Woohoo! Free gas!

(USA) Ending all complaints about price gouging at the gas pumps, drivers can now waste gas freely. The price for a gallon of gasoline had finally risen all the way to $10.00 per gallon; however, due to the inability of traditional gasoline price marquees to display more than three digits, in most locations the price of gas was displayed as $0.00 per gallon.

Station attendants feverishly attempted to enforce the full $10 fee, explaining that a one was meant to be displayed in front of the digits, frequently employing the metaphor of "getting a really high score on an old pinball machine". Angered consumers quickly filed (and won) several class action lawsuits against petroleum industry giants and retailers on claims of false advertising, and by declaration of the highest court in the land, gas stations are to keep at its current rate of free until 2009 (009 in marquee-speak). Drivers nationwide celebrated by driving down busy highways in high-priced, fuel-inefficent SUVs, shouting "free oil!" and shooting off handguns into the night sky.

Consumer backlash against the price change was immediate. Many skeptics felt that something was clearly wrong with the gas, given its new low price. However, no reports have emerged of severe problems with the gas, although some car owners have claimed that their odometers now display only 'TILT' or 'MULTIBALL'. As of this report, most boycotts against the free gas have ceased.