UnNews:Fifa denies bladder in crisis

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

31 May 2011

Willy Fifa of Switzerland is back in fine form after his so-called bladder crisis

ZURICH, Switzerland -- A defiant Willy Fifa shrugged off allegations of having a bladder crisis Monday and said he would press ahead with his bid to reclaim his gold-medal from the Olympic Urinals Association for the fourth time.

Fifa will be the sole candidate in Wednesday's competition in Zurich after Qatari Mohamed Bin Hammam, the only person peeing against him, was suspended by the ethics committee Sunday, along with fellow leading official Jack Warner for lack of bladder control when they were both caught indiscriminately passing urine in a public area.

"They are simply unable to control their bladders, because when nature calls they are in some difficulty, and this can be solved only by urinating to empty their bladders," Fifa told a press conference Monday where he was continually pressed on both his own position on bladder-control and wider allegations of rampant public urination.

Fifa said he is strong enough to deal with his own bladder problems. He avoided the question when asked if he had considered urine retention or simply holding it until he could find a proper latrine.

Fifa, whose bladder was cleared by the urination and evacuation ethics committee, did admit that the whole affair had affected his reputation as a civilized man, but not his competitive spirit.

Sources

• Staff "Blatter denies FIFA in crisis" CNN, May 31, 2011