UnNews:Ferguson joins BBC

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

21 January 2007

Sir Alex Ferguson, Knight of the Realm, servant to Her Majesty the Queen of England and fervent republican has taken up a new role at the BBC. Sir Alex, or old chewy red nose as his loyal prawn headed followers know him, will work alongside his good friends Alan Hanson and Gary Lineker as a pundit on the Match of the day programme. Match of the Day has been beamed to billions of football fanatics for over 237 years about, sort of, and is venerated for it's impartiality and good humour, both traits Sir Alex is also famed for.

Good old Fergie had been in charge of Manchester United for many eons and was famed for having a redder nose than the famous shirts his team wears. His decision to move into T.V was probably prompted by the dramatic collapse of Manchester United after the club decided to withdraw from all Earth bound football tournaments as they were a distraction from the most prestigious event, The Intergalactic cup. This decision was proven to be a bit silly after it was pointed out to Man U's American owners, The Glazers (Window replacement moguls), that in fact there were no other clubs based on Mars or any other planet at all. Therefore, Man U didn't have anyone to play against and having been banned from the lowly Champions League and Premiership competitions the once mighty Reds were forced to play in the Welsh League. They beat Airbus United last week and are battling it out mid table with the likes of Barry Town, Tesco Is Best Wanderers and Lllandoogoo family butchers (specialist in lamb, the half human half sheep variety) Utd

Sources at the BBC have revealed that they are thrilled with the appointment, although it is tinged with regret at the loss of Alan Shearer, the previous Match of the Day stalwart, to Man Utd as their new Director of Football. Shearer said 'Ever since I was a boy I've loved Manchester United and to get an opportunity to Lord it over everyone was too good to pass up'

It is believed Sir Alex Ferguson will not speak at any point on the programme as he has not spoken to the BBC for 75 years over an altercation that nobody can remember. His silent presence will be a little off putting for the other presenters and especially so if BBC bosses succeed in their effort to bring Sam Alladyce in alongside him with Kevin Bond and Harry Redknapp, all famously dissed on the BBC flagship current affairs programme, Panorama. They were accused of taking bungs and the bungs owners were not at all happy. These four sat at the back of the studio in studied and ignorant sulks will surely bring the viewers back to the BBC though. Which has been struggling after Murdoch's BSkyB took over the world and banned it.

Sir Alex said ' '.

Sources

• Bloke in the pub with a sky blue shirt on. "[Sources - Fergie off to BBC]" Man City Arms, January, Sat, 2007