UnNews:Cosmonauts Install Windows on Space Station; Inevitable Happens
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
14 June 2007
The International Space Station, Outer Space: Crisis today as computers which run the life-support systems crashed, threatening the future of the multi-billion dollar space project. And endangering the lives of a few cosmonauts as well.
NASA officials ordered an immediate enquiry, and soon found the answer: the Russian contingent had made the mistake of installing Windows ME on the Space Station's Computers.
A spokesman said:
- The personnel on-board the station were panicking and in a state of extreme distress. Luckily we solved the problem for them by telling them to hit Control, Alt & Delete and re-boot the computers.
Asked why they had installed Windows ME on the International Space Station and not Windows Vista, NASA's spokesman responded:
- Are you shitting me? Windows Vista doesn't work unless it is authenticated over the internet. Do you know how difficult it is to establish an Internet connection to outer-space? You can't just pay some phone company $30 a month to establish a broadband connection, I can tell you!
Cosmonaut Yakov Smirnoff was able to comment via radio from the space station:
- Actually what most bothers us is the lack of technical support. We tried emailing Microsoft, but they couldn't give us a definite time when one of their IT guys would be able to come and visit the station to take a look. All they would specify was Mornings or afternoons.
In other news, Steve Jobs of Apple was seen doing cartwheels amidst rumours that his company's share price had rocketed.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Nick Farrell "International space station computers crash" The Inquirer, June 14, 2007