UnNews:Conference held to determine if Iranian president is a moron

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

12 December 2006

LONDON, UK - Scientists from all over the world have gathered in London today to determine if Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is a moron. The three day conference is being held despite protests by the Iranian government. Participants are also using the forum to express their views concerning Middle Eastern politics, nuclear disarmament, and whether 'Momma Mia' and 'We Will Rock You' should still be performed in certain West end Theatres. Controversy has raged on all of the above topics.

The German delegate to the conference was adament about Mahmoud being a moron. "I'm convinced of his moron status. We all know there was a holocaust. Only a moron couldn't figure out what those camps were for."

On the opposing viewpoint, the Japanese delegate is convinced that he is not a moron. "His actions are not moronic. They are insane. We are convinced that Ahmadinejad's insanity can be traced to an incident where his momma dropped him on his head when he was a baby."

The American delegate, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, took a minority view stating that he is neither moronic nor insane. According to Dr. Ruth, "His problem is a lack of sex. He simply isn't getting enough. If Mahmoud was standing here right now, I would say to him, 'Honey! If it feels good, do it!'".

A protest delegation from Iran picketed outside the conference hall. The protestors formed a line and kept repeating the words "Death to America" in Farsi. When asked why they kept saying this, one protestor said the following. "We have been taught to say 'Death to America' since we were in grade school. We have no reason why. It just sounds good."

President Ahmadinejad's office could not be reached for comment. Instead, we got his voicemail which simply said, "Death to America. Leave your message at the beep."

Sources

• "Iran's leader: 'Zionist regime will soon be wiped out'" ', 12/12/2006