UnNews:China locks down Tibetan Sichuan province over duck famine

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 March 2008

Beijing, China

The Communist Party of China today announced that it had placed the Szechuan (Sichuan) province under extra-ordinary curfew following a massive drop in the duck population of the area.

It is thought that the minority ethnic Tibetan population have kidnapped the ducks in order to threaten the supply of a key ingredient to Chinese restaurants across the globe. "The Chinese Takeaway Industry is worth more than 3 Trillion dollars world wide", a spokesman for the Communist Party said, "the inability of these culinary outlets to serve Szechuan Duck threatens world peace, security and the stability of the Chinese state".

A ransom note was delivered to the state party headquarters demanding the independence of Tibet and additional dates in Lhasa to be added to the tour itinerary of teenage pop sensation Hannah Montana. If these key conditions are met it promises that the filched fowl will be returned unharmed.