UnNews:China kicks US TV into touch

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

7 October 2008

China has canceled all future TV contracts with US broadcasting companies in protest at the non-continuation of HBO series, “The Sopranos”.

A number of senior level diplomatic visits and military-to-military exchanges due before November would also not go ahead, the US state department said. Previously, the Chinese government had spent heavily on I Love Lucy, Bonanza, 70's series ChiPs, and anything featuring the Baldwins or Michael Landon. In one famously publicized case, the entire population of Kunming was forced into beggary to finance the acquisition of the third series of Little House on the Prairie. However, China regards The Sopranos, the country's most popular TV show with over 1.2 billion viewers per episode, as sovereign territory and opposes lack of US military support in keeping the series on the air.

'Unfortunate'

The Chinese move affects a visit by the Shaolin monks, a travelling band of juggling Nanchang paedophiles, and proscribes any TV appearance by former “Pink Panther” sidekick, Burt Kwok. Oh, and it also affects meetings on the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction.

"It's an unfortunate step," said US state department deputy spokesman Andy Garcia “We had Burt booked to open a supermarket in Milwaukee on Sunday. “

On Saturday the Chinese foreign ministry said: "The Chinese government and the Chinese people strongly oppose and object to the US government's inaction in keeping The Sopranos on the air”. Since it was declared earlier in the year that there would not be a follow up to part 6, the entire nation of China has waited breathlessly for a change of heart on the behalf of series creator David Chase, but so far their wait has proved fruitless. “After the futility of Iraq, many of us believed that the US military would finally put their taxpayers money to better use and, by use of an air strike or two, force Chase to start work on series seven.”

Taunts of 'Get over it. Go find yourself a new TV series' have not gone down well with the Chinese foreign ministry which claims that The Sopranos is beyond TV; a mirror on life, a slamming indictment on modern society's addiction to vicarious involvement.

“And that Paulie just makes us piss!” they added.