UnNews:Chile Caught Smuggling Chili Powder
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
7 November 2007
Miami, Florida: Earlier today, Miami police officials have stated in an official statement that they have caught the evil terrorists who wished to harm our great nation by injecting our youth with chili powder and using it to asplode many of our great buildings!
The so-called terrorists from Chile were planning to use the chili powder to asplode many important buildings, such as: that McDonalds you used to always to go down the street, the Luxor (and Criss Angel as well), and the Liclon Memorial, however, they were the lowest rank of terrorist, so they usually ended up blowing up these unimportant buildings instead: Hollywood, the White House, the Pentagon, the Supreme Court, and, of course, Rosie O'donald. The terrorists' plot to asplode these buildings was foiled by the Miami-Dade police, headed by Horatio Cane, when they came into the harbor. Apparentally, the Miami-Dade police (Horatio Cane) and their team were about to go out to their favorite strip-club boat, only to have been stopped by the terrorists. "Aw shit! Does this mean we can't go see naked women anymore, H?" exclaimed Ryan Wolf. "Yes, these damn terrorists always ruin our fun!" Horatio said angrily. A reckless firefight ensued, ending up in the capture of the terrorists before their plans were put into action. Unfortunately for them, nobody cared, except maybe Bush... The terrorists were arrested and carted down to the Miami-Dade Police Headquarters where police used cruel and unusual punishment to extract the terrorists' plans.
Apparentally, the terrorists were going to use their chili powder to blow up the basement of the World Trade Center, in exactly the same way as the last guy did. After police informed them that the World Trade Center did not exist anymore...
"Aw shit! You mean I came out here and got arrested for nothing?" said the terrorist. "Yes, and you ruined our outing we were going to do today." said Ryan Wolf "Throw this idiot into Juvvie, maybe there, everyone will be be able to help our terrorist learn about himself." said Horatio Cane
After the speedboat was thouroughly searched, chili powder was found and successfully extracted without detonating it. Scientists are in the process of analyzing this mysterious substance and will issue a report on it at a later date.
In the meantime, Bush, seeing this is a threat to our nation, has raised the terror alert of our country to "Spicy". Afterwords, Bush eats sloppy joes, with a bit of chili powder in them and nearly dies from a spicy attack.