UnNews:Charleston Sold To Google Exec
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
26 April 2006
(Charleston, SC) After nearly two decades of poor budget management and a lack of federal aid, the state of South Carolina has had to take a drastic measure in order to make sure it will have enough funds to last until the end of the current fiscal year. Earlier this morning, Google Inc. purchased the city of Charleston, effectively taking over its government.
Google named company CFO George Reyes as the new mayor of the city. Reyes is currently organizing an attempt to purchase all of the land within city limits, offering residents and business owners a combination of cash and stock. If any owners refuse to sell their land, Reyes plans to use the power of eminent domain to force them out at a much lower offer.
Google plans to relocate the majority of their corporation to Googleton because of its lower minimum wage laws and proximity to the ocean. Experts believe that Google may be using this purchase as a stepping stone to buying the Atlantic Ocean, at which point they will charge merchants and vacationers for their thoroughfare.
Congress is currently working on a bill that will make any future acquisitions of major United States cities illegal, however, they have not yet discussed the legality of purchasing smaller towns and townships. In addition, Congress has refused to approve a bill that would lend financial aid to South Carolina, which would keep the state from selling any other major cities until the legislation is passed.