UnNews:Bush warns of terrorist meeting
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
7 December 2008
WASHINGTON, DC- President Bush warned today that he believes another terrorist attack against the United States is imminent. According to recent CIA and NSA intelligence, millions of muslims are converging on one place in the city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia to hold a meeting.
"We've never seen anything like it", warned the President. "These muslims all left their homes about the same time and converged at this one point in Mecca. We're certain they are up to something"
"I have instructed Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff to raise the alert level to... Oh hell, I can't remember those damned colors. It's as high as it goes.", stammered Bush during his 2 minute press conference this afternoon. "I've also decided to release this formerly classifed photo obtained by the CIA at great risk to life and limb." (see right) "As you can see, the muslims all appear to be milling around in a circle and this guy is doing something or other. We'll get back to you on that."
President-elect Obama was nonplussed about the meeting. "I am not now, nor have I ever been a muslim.", said Sen Obama. "I wish the media would get that straight".
"It doesn't surprise me that they picked Pearl Harbor Day to hold the meeting", quipped the President. "They might even have the Japanese involved in their evil schemes. It's hard to say at this point.".
One prominent American imam was more aggressive when confronted with the information. "It's the Hajj you idiot!", the imam yelled. "We do it every year. They're only praying. What do you think is going on?"
Anonymous sources in the CIA were not convinced, however. "We knew they'd say something like that, but we're not buying it", said one operative. "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Noah Fence "Terrorist attack imminent" http://www.whitehouse.gov, Dec 07, 2008