UnNews:British Government Implement New Method Of Administering Vaccines
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 April 2006
London, United Kingdom - The British Government has announced that, due to the high number of un-educated parents refusing potentially life saving vaccines for their children, and many of the current generation of kids simply not bothering to turn up - it has instead opted for a new means of administering the medication.
It has been dubbed "stealth vaccination" by officials, and is currently being trialed in several schools across the UK, with plans for eventually spreading usage across the country; in fact the United States Surgeon General has already recommended national trials too.
The method of vaccination involves a small number of individuals skilled in the usage of the blowgun being located at a vantage point of the site, and them then thus loading their blowgun with a vaccine-containing dart. This dart is then fired into a student wandering the site; usually the neck or arm, however, it has been stated that any area is effective.
Some have complained that this new stealth vaccination could lead to serious injuries if a dart were to strike a child in the face, but officials quickly shot this down, stating: "Who's to say that they're going to get shot in the face?"
Initial trials have proved a high level of success and the immigration regulator has also voiced its satisfaction due to this new scheme providing jobs for otherwise effectively skill-less immigrants. The Government has also stated that it is considering utilising this in town centers and rest homes also; as a way of vaccinating the elderly.
Currently, medical officials are also being trained to use the blowgun as a method of quickly expanding the usage of stealth vaccinations to un-cooperative patients in hospital too. It is possible for the administrator to stand up to 100 metres away from their target, allowing shooters to fire from windows while victims are sleeping.
More advanced and expensive methods of doing the same thing is to position large amounts of air pumps around the target area, and use those to fire several blowguns. This allows a "rain" effect with the darts, allowing a large number of children to be vaccinated within a matter of seconds; some children have the good fortune to be vaccinated twice in the same five seconds with this method.
This follows an extremely unsuccessful plan by the British government to deal the MMR vaccine as heroin on the street, which was ended when studies on one user showed the MMR vaccine had done him extreme physical damage and that he was mentally disturbed. It is more than likely that this was caused by the MMR vaccine.