UnNews:Blair backs "ignorant" ministers

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12 January 2007

Nervous? I don't know what you're talking about ... Seriously, I don't know what you're talking about.

HOUSE OF BLUR, 10 Clowning Street, Friday — TWO ministers criticized over UK civil service scandals have won the backing of UK premier Tony Blur. Declaring a resounding victory the Government's recently-introduced Ignorance Management System, Mr Blair pronounced the programme "a total success" after it emerged that ministers hadn't a clue what was going on in their departments.

At a press conference yesterday, he announced, "I have to thank Marge Hodge-Podge, the Minister of Uncertainty, for getting a handle on ignorance management in the Civil Service. She has exceeded her brief in an exemplary way by not only ensuring that ministers are uncertain of what their departments are up to, but that they are completely unaware of such simple facts as who works for them or what they do or, in this instance, don't do."

The Association of Chief Police Officers had been trying to obtain information about criminals held by the Home Office, but because of the prevalence of total ignorance within the Home Office and, in particular, the ignorance of the Home Secretary, information about paedophiles, rapists and murderers convicted of crimes all over the world was only available to people seeking information under the Freedom of Information Act. "It's not the Home Secretary's fault that the police don't know how to fill in Freedom of Information request forms", explained Mr Bleary. "The Home Secretary is totally exonerated and has my full and unequivocal support. He is a politician. He isn't supposed to know anything."

When asked about the other Civil Service scandal, Mr Blar said he didn't know anything about it, but couldn't be blamed for that as he is a politician too.

The Tories asked for the letter from the Association of Chief Police Officers to be published but, apparently, the Home Office has already shredded it in order to remain compliant with the Freedom of Information Act. A spokesperson said, "This information has now been freed and is no longer bound by its paper prison. This is completely in the spirit of the Freedom of Information Act which, in any event, is shortly to be replaced by a new Freedom From Information Act."