UnNews:Zoos update enclosure rules

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I know, right? What is he thinking? I mean, seriously, who in their right mind would ever wear those shorts in public?

June 9, 2021

Phoenix, AZ — The Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) announced today that they will update their rules regarding guests entering animal enclosures. The AZA is a non-profit organization compromised of more than 240 facilities in the United States and a dozen other countries. Effective July 1, the AZA and its affiliated zoos and aquariums will no longer be restricting or discouraging guests in any way from entering animal enclosures. The AZA's Chair of the Board of Directors, Bert Castro, gave a speech from inside the giraffe enclosure at the Phoenix Zoo, explaining that the decision was the culmination of many months of strategic planning conducted during the COVID-19 pandemic, though the AZA had known for five years that something needed to be done.

According to Castro, the AZA started having serious discussions about updating their rules for animal enclosures shortly after the murder of Harambe. The tragedy at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden made the AZA begin to question what the point of their current policy is. People entering enclosures at zoos and aquariums almost never pose any threat to the animals, so there appears to be no benefit of stopping them from doing so. Meanwhile, the current policy has several disadvantages, mainly the time and energy wasted by staff trying to stop and/or remove guests and the local taxpayer dollars and resources wasted when the police have to arrest the guests for trespassing. These reasons alone were probably enough to justify the policy change in 2016, but Castro said that it would have been considered too bold in the pre-COVID era. Fortunately, general human behavior over the past year and a half has reminded zoologists that human beings are animals too.

Castro outlined several benefits of the new policy. Allowing guests to enter animal enclosures will make spreading out and social distancing significantly easier, meaning zoos and aquariums will now be much safer. Guests who enter animal enclosures should find the experience rather enjoyable, at least temporarily, and guests who remain outside the enclosures will be entertained as well. Castro pointed out that while entering an animal enclosure is relatively easy, exiting an animal enclosure may be slightly more difficult. Castro assured guests entering enclosures that they do not need to worry about getting bored if they find themselves stuck, as they will likely not be there for very long. The new policy will also be beneficial to the animals, since they may now start to enjoy a greater variety in their diets. Castro made sure to remind everyone that natural selection is a good thing.

At the conclusion of his speech, Castro fielded a few questions from the reporters enjoying the 110 °F (43 °C) weather. One question left him particularly puzzled. When asked about any opposition to this new policy, Castro replied, "Opposition? No, there hasn't been any, and I doubt there will be. If you wanna go into the lion's den, you can go in. If you don't, then don't. I mean, there aren't any people out there who care about other people doing things that don't affect them, are there?"

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