From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Abandoned at a mandatory productivity potential excavation site, within the hostile crowds, I was overrun by a pressing blast of nihilism. However, before sinking into oblivion, there was a mission I must complete, a Pilgrimage.

Arrival[edit | edit source]

Methodically stepping out of the hall, I came fully exposed to the bloated sky, sporadically lit by a million dim needletips of apathy. Behind me, the slim barriers slid their elongated bodies orthogonally under their frameworks of hypnotic hindrance into darkness, within paradigms sharp and defined.

I felt my intracranial pressure rise in grave fear and disbelief as the crowds catapulted themselves past, without the luxury to stop by. Spinning in a hideous vertigo, I finally recovered my intention, then shivered in fear.

It was hard to believe that salvation really exists, under the pressing heavens through a filthy colloid, shrouded by a serene shimmer on the dying. However, all I needed was to reach into my inner desires, where mysterious ancestral spirits reside. Though not tangible, they point the destination for me generously despite my banal essence.

Acceleration[edit | edit source]

My heart is at the Lands, where a distinct odor – almost a fine particulate – would perspire off its ridges and lakes: not pleasant should I describe, but nonetheless informative and affirming; but my body remains restrained beyond the ground beneath me, a punishment for my lack of capacity.

Equipped with nothing but my ATP-powered molecular machines and my razor sharp wits temporarily not high on acid, I stared into the abyss: a malevolent cocktail of neon filling the delicate bottom curvature of the local cluster, almost speaking to me as a morality terrorist, directly out of a sterile atmosphere.

Escalation[edit | edit source]

My steps have slowed down to a simmer, and I can hardly maneuver my abdomen full of cavity fluid, which was centrifuging within every single second, enough to foam off all the way into my vital organs. Still no land in sight. I tried to make sense of a map, but the right way evaded me adeptly as if the city were alive.

Trapped in the urban cobwebs, I pondered under the polarizing starlight, then stared up silently and held my hands to the restrained glow, praying silently for direction before the aggressive masses consume me. With noises far as the galaxy, lethargic cars paced along, sending clouds of dead skin cells intermingling with human grease, pecking at my eyes vehemently.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about ... ahem.

Anthropocene[edit | edit source]

I was led through the labyrinth of cages in a human zoo, pursuing the track of dim stars emitting blazing plasma every second, and listening to signs speaking in languages of dust, rust, and azobenzene dyes. The local language was hardly intelligible, rich with retroflex consonants rolling like raindrops and heavy pharyngealization darker than the night. Naturally, the residents made me an outsider, reading me in perplexed doubt and systolic prudence.

Then the dull, insidious burn rammed below again, worse than ever, a throb that had my head spinning. Truth was boiling with fury to destruct and storm out from the thin nylon confining it. I heard a vociferous blast of perforation, almost real; I saw a train struggling down a long tunnel, carrying essentials for homeostasis; and I felt the Niagara Falls being forced through a drinking straw, a pulverizing force which flattened every groove it touched. But in the end, the slim prefecture only painted a superficially bleached human nature, delivering a cool indifference from its selfish core.

Sanity was being liquefied and spilled lavishly on the frigid canvas of cosmos, watching my virility trickle out of my enervating body. The passers-by paid no attention, flying by to the tomorrow they are dying to meet, painting grey lines across the landscape.

One more map emerged, a relic of ancient artifact with paint chapping under the scorch of ultraviolet ray in a corner, where I stopped to study with intent. I was suddenly heartened: perhaps it's close; perhaps it's just around the corner. Yes, there, with a last turn I had the incredible spectacle laid bare before my mortal eyes. Nearly beginning to fibrillate and hyperventilate, I forced my pounding heart back into my rib cage and realized that I was alive, I was alive. Guarded by my strong sphincter, guided by my loyal olfaction, and out of pure survival instinct, off the cloudy crowds, I was alive before my destination.

I found the toilet.