UETCD - Study at Bullshit Universities Incorporated
Unstable Erection Towards Children Disorder. (UETCD)[edit | edit source]
Study first conducted by The University of Bishop Rock in 1891 * 2020 Study done by students at Bullshit Universities Inc™
(UETCD) Is an immunological disorder most commonly found in adults between the ages of 20-80 years. Unstable Erection Towards Children Disorder is caused by a hormonal response to any child nearing the subject, in which the genitalia start to overflow with blood and rise, essentially creating an erection.
This is because children above the age of 1 and a half emit a pheromone known as "Free Sex" among UETCD patients, in which only UETCD patients can smell. It's up to debate whether or not this "Free Sex" pheromone is an olfactory hallucination. This debate is backed up by the fact that, whether it is male or female, UETCD's share a lack of smell due to facial hair filling their nostrils.
Symptoms of UETCD [edit | edit source]
- Deoxygenated Testicles
- Inflamed Genitals
- Lactation Through All Genitals
- Phantosmia
- Permanent Breasts
- Obesity
- McDonalds Addiction
- Chronic Constipation
- Sealed Natal Cleft
- Loss Of eyebrows
- Excess Body Hair
- Balding
- Adult Acne
Once the UETCD is near any child, they will express a desire to touch the child. The child always ends up slicing open the UETCD's natal cleft with a scalpel. Once a UETCD's natal cleft has been unsealed, it will die due to the leakage of pink, fuzzy fecal matter escaping from the anal cavity. The pink fuzzy fecal matter is a very important part in the survival of a UETCD.
UETCD are considered to be highly dangerous predators. Hunting and capturing UETCD's is a cultural tradition practiced in countries around the world.
A knife can also work, only, knives don't scare away UETCD's. Scalpels are the most efficient and effective way to kill, or treat a UETCD patient.
"Free Sex" Pheremone Detection Methods[edit | edit source]
- Personal Computers
- Monitors
- Tablets
- Smartphones
- Cellphones
- Cameras
- Televisions
- Calculators
- Microwaves
- Nightlights
Defense Methods Against UETCD[edit | edit source]
In order to protect children from a UETCD in the real world, the child must have a scalpel to slit their sealed natal cleft open. And to protect children from a UETCD in an online game, their avatar must be holding a scalpel at all times. To protect a child from a UETCD on social media, their avatar must be them holding a scalpel.
UETCD's have a specific fear of scalpels. Whenever a UETCD looks at one, the patient attempts to jump off into a garbage truck 5 feet above them before the child stabs their natal cleft, even if there is no child in question.
Available Treatments[edit | edit source]
The UETCD's infamous fear of scalpels has made any sort of treatments difficult. The one cure as of right now is to undergo both Castration and Hysterectomy. Due to the nature of the disorder, there is currently no efficient way of determining if a UETDC patient is male or female. Both male and female subjects develop facial hair, swollen testicles, and excess body hair.
Capturing these patients is imperative to our research. If you or someone you know has any of these symptoms, please contact your local police department. This study has first been conducted in 1891 when consent laws were first passed by the U.S government. This disorder hasn't been studied in-depth since.
--Pocket Van Shitberry 7:55 PM, 3 December 2020 - 2:05 PM, 9 December 2020 (UTC) Bullshit Universities Inc™