HowTo:Speak Trumplish

This is the ultimate guide to talk like Donald Trump! So you've learned all the languages you could, and can't think of any more languages to learn. Well there is this rare English dialect called Trumplish, which is spoken almost exclusively by Donald Trump, as well as those who seek to mock him. Now you may think this is hard to do, but it's easy as hell, and if you follow these steps, you will find your way to disenlightenment (is that even a word!?).

So you're here to learn my beautiful invented English dialect, huh? After reading this, you can finally talk like ME. Yes, ME! The greatest president in American history!

Step 1: Forget all vocabulary you learned after 8th grade

Donald Trump is notorious for having the vocabulary level of an average middle school student. Trumplish is essentially a dumbed down version of American English, and is an exaggeration of how poorly educated people talk.

Step 2: Use intensifiers and exaggerate things

Repeat key phrases, and use words for exaggeration such as "huge", "greatest", "historic", and "beautiful".

Step 3: Write things in all caps

And when you're writing, follow the other steps.

Step 4: Tell lies and say the exact opposite of what you really mean every 30 seconds

Change "I just found this out" to "Did you know", "I'm making this up" to "People are saying", "This information makes me look bad" to "FAKE NEWS", and "I'm lying" to "BELIEVE ME PLS" or something like that. Additionally, whenever things don't go your way, say that it is rigged.

Step 5: Refer to Obama as obamna

As we all know, Donald Trump calls Obama "obamna". Additionally, refer to Tim Cook as Tim Apple, and Nepal as "nipple".

Step 6 (the hardest one): Acquire a Trumplish accent

The authentic Trumplish accent is a high-pitched nasal sound that any man with even the slightest amount of self-respect wouldn't talk like. However, since you probably don't have any self-respect, once you do learn the Trumplish accent, it'll take some time to get used to.

More languages to learn

Bored of learning Trumplish? The good news is, there are several other English dialects similar to it, most notably, Bushese, which is a language spoken by George Dubya Bush. It's not very difficult to learn Bushese if you've already learned Trumplish.

Notable speakers of Trumplish

Trumplish is spoken mostly by Donald Trump, and his son Eric Trump, and his daughter Ivanka Trump. Other speakers of Trumplish include:

• Tucker Carlson
• JD Vance
• Natalie Harp

Some people have been known to speak Trumplish for the sole purpose of mocking Donald Trump, most notably America's favorite governor, Gavin Newsom.