Trumpet players have been around since the beginning of time and according to some they were involved in the process of creating the world as we know it. Some people think that anyone and everyone can play the trumpet, but this is not the case. Sure you see young people attempting to play trumpet, but do they ever really get much more than a toot out of the instrument, I think not. It takes a God to master the trumpet. In fact it takes more than a God to master the trumpet, seeing as he was only 4th chair in the Galactic Brass Band. Some of these Gods include me. And I'm better than you.
As the above paragraph proves, trumpet players are known for their huge ego. Most of them take pride in this and are completely unaware people are actually making fun of them behind their backs, and to their faces. Their arrogance blinds them; they just don't know any better.
And another thing: most first trumpet players perceive themselves as God's gift to the band, which is perfectly justified because of their awesomeness that emanates from them and allows all others to become better in their presence.
Tell tale marks of the trumpet player
- Trumpet lip: All trumpet players, no matter who they are, have trumpet lip. Depending on how frequently you practice, it will be more and more prominent. It is essentially a semi-circle on the upper lip that never goes away. This mark is usually a dead giveaway that you are a trumpeter.
- Hand and finger deformities: Playing the trumpet is hard, even for the trumpet Gods. When the playing gets intense a death grip is put on the trumpet. This grip is powerful enough to crush coal into diamonds and causes deformities to the hand. The most common location of these deformities is on the pinky, but it can be found in other regions. Also, in some cases, the lacquer comes off on the valve casings, thus causing blue-ish green discoloration on the left pointer and middle fingers.
Alas, there is a place that only true trumpet players can go. It is called trumpet land. Whenever you see a trumpet player stare out into empty space for no apparent reason, his mind is in trumpet land. Whenever a trumpet player is late to a show it is most likely because he got distracted by something awesome in trumpet land. Trumpet land is not to be confused with Neverland. Though in both places no one ever grows up, trumpet land involves little to no child molestation. Several other musicians have tried to create such lands, but they all lacked the divine spark to do so. The only non-trumpets ever to make it into trumpet land were a group of tuba players (also Gods) who called themselves the Tubby Tuba's Association. They were let in by the trumpets in order to organize battle tactics against the woodwinds (See Also: Pansies) in the great Brass-Wood Wars.
The Great Trumpet Civil War
Not so long, long ago, in a galaxy that might be ours, the Trumpet players waged a massive war against each other over the superior color of trumpets. The Silvers thought themselves more stately than the Brass. The Brass countered by believing that their egos were bigger and that they could play higher. Trumpet Land was devastated in the wars. After years of quarreling and trying to outplay each other, they finally reached a compromise. This compromise was that they must fight to the death like Trojans with their trumpets, but this only resulted in many bloodied and battered trumpets so another compromise was met. The lesser trumpet players salvaged their battered trumpets by removing their broken valves and extending their tuning slide, thus creating a novelty instrument. They named it the trombone. The superior trumpet players were not so fool worthy and fixed their trashed trumpets. Brass playing has never been quite the same since.