Town planner
“When will they create zoning for opium dens?”
“Can we have a 9/11 every year?”
A Town Planner (also known as a 'development nazi') is a registered public official charged with the responsibility of ensuring a city grows in a sustainable manner (see Planning). Every good Town Planner would like to see their city become a Utopia, whereas rogue Town Planners would prefer their cities to become Dystopias.. like Mordor.. with the big eye.. actually Sauron used to be a Town Planner before he was dismissed by the Gondor City Council for approving weakly constructed towers.. which apparently "could easily be knocked down by any passing Nazgûl"..
These days Town Planners are far nicer creatures than you might imagine; Town Planners are focused on building a better future and reducing bad things like global warming and riparian vegetation. One exciting new development in town planning is the use of roundabouts instead of traffic lights! E.g The growing metropolis of Cairns in far North Queensland, Australia. Cairns has revolutionised the road traffic by removing traffic congesting Traffic Lights. By removing all traffic lights Cairns has seen a dramatic improvement in traffic flow and overall driver well being (statistics not available), some say that the proliferation of round-abouts in this city has caused local motorists to wear out their car tyres sooner than usual. However out of every negative there is a positive.. the new tyres needed to sustain the vehicles in Cairns may very well come from the poor country of Brazil. Since Rubber Tree Sapping is an environmentally sustainable livelihood in this country, fewer poor farmers will resort to logging their forests and converting the land to pasture for methane farting cattle.
This article will describe the various individuals who are drawn to the Planning profession, and their unique style and work ethic that they bring to the job.
The Bureaucrat[edit | edit source]
By far and away the most common form of Town Planner is the Bureaucrat. Spawned in a puddle far away on the planet Vogon, these Town Planners seek to bring order to the universe in general, beginning with your city.
The Bureaucratic Town Planner understands that by making the process of getting development approved a complicated affair, only the most persistent and therefore honest people will be able to get permission to build their houses, sheds and evil fortresses of doom.
When the bureaucratic Town Planner is not filing away Form A - Subsection 4 of the House Wall Thickness and Testing Act into Sub-basement 17 of the Planning Vault, they are busy creating more paperwork like a Regulation for Fire Safety within Aquariums.
The Mob[edit | edit source]
In certain places around the world like Las Vegas and Little Italy, the mob and other organized crime syndicates have found that by bribing Town Planners or funding one of their own to become a graduate Town Planner, they can have a say in what goes down in a city.
Whereas normally a Casino may not be approved next to a Church or Primary School.. with a Town Planning friend working within the council, you can get that questionable development approved and built in no time!
Plus if you have any enemies, well you can take down their financial empires too!! You can have your Town Planning friend just be very unreasonable and deny every development application they send in, whilst pocketing the hefty council fees!