Top 8

“I had to move Kate to second row because I heard she was talking some major shit”

~ Oscar Wilde on his top friends

“How the fuck am I number 7??”

~ Dylan on his girlfriend's top friends

A Top 8 or Top Friends as it is now called, is a specific section in one's myspace that displays the MySpacer's 8 favorite "friends" that they have never met. As of sometime last year, MySpacers have the ability to put up to 25 "friends" in their Top 8 (now called a "Top Friends" for obvious mathematical reasons.). It used to go up to 32, but everyone knows a Top 32 is really ghey. The purpose of increasing the capacity of a Top 8 section is so that one's other "friends" don't feel bad and/or resort to cutting themselves. It is impossible to have any more than 25 people in your Top Friends, unless you go to something like a PiMp Ur MySpAcE retardation of a website and search up some HTML code that allows you to do so, in which the case is you need a fucking life. You can also display down to 4 friends now! Or heck, you can hide all your friends altogether! This feature was introduced to cover up the fact that you have less than 8 "friends" on myspace. However, if you have less than 4 friends, no one can save you. Prepare yourself, because for the next 6 weeks you will be relentlessly made fun of. You are a fucking n00b.

Being a Fucking Noob on Myspace.com

All of us deal with being a fucking noob on myspace. Some of us stay fucking noobs longer than others. For example, if you're some ugly fat chick with only one picture, and that specific pic is one of you wearing huge sunglasses to hide the fact that you're unbearably hideous, you will usually stay a fucking n00b for an extended period of time, because, honey, them glasses don't do shit.

Note: This rule is canceled out if you have a popular and good-looking sibling.

On the other hand, if you happen to be a total whore, and decide to take pictures of your breasts (while using your arm to cover the nipples, of course, because we don't want Tom on our case) you will receive roughly 670 friend requests and cheesy comments a day from males that range in age from 9-53. There is also the occasional butchy lesbian or the extremely desperate girl who thinks your friends because she leaves you an abundance of picture comments.

Becoming popular on Myspace.com

Other than the one above, there are ways to becoming popular on myspace.com

If you are a young male deprived of friends

• Say you are in a band, and if you really are, post a video of you and your band performing. Or, failing that, just gank a nice video of My Chemical Romance from YouTube. Nobody will know the difference.
• Get a tattoo. (for best results, get it on your pectoral, then take off your shirt and take a mirror pic.)
• Work out and get a six pack, then take off your shirt and take a mirror pic.
• Wear trucker hats in all of your pictures.
• Grow your hair out, and wear a trucker hat, hence you will give yourself an Ashton Kutcher-esque appearance.
• Use the flash on your camera to hide your many, many pimples.
• Post your favorite picture, and, for the caption, type "hate this one" or "keep or delete?". "You choose the caption" is also popular.
• Show off your guitar, car, penis, etc.
• Describe your ideal girl under 'Who I'd Like To Meet'. Make the description as unspecific as possible. (ex. I just want a girl I can talk to and have a good time with.)
• If you have a girlfriend, post pictures of you and her making out. If you dont have a girlfriend search "hot girl" on google images and photoshop yourself in

If you're fat/extremely ugly

• Take all your pictures in black and white, and take advantage of the overhead camera angle. Or distort your image so badly, that no one can see your true ugliness.
• That's basically all the hope you have in hell.

If you're a young black male or a young male who thinks they're black

• Say you're in a gang. For extra effect, throw in several references to how much of yo niggasz' cap your gang could bust.
• Throw up a couple fake gang signs in your pics. Be sure not to be confused with a peace-sign wielding scene kid.
• Make your display name say "R.I.P. JayJay, I'll miz u Mah Niggah, Alwaysz".
• Have atleast one picture of you holding a BeeBee Gun.
• Never, NEVER say "goodbye". Only "iight 1" or "iight peace niggah" are acceptable.
• Be sure to leave borderline literary threats in your About Me section, such as "come at me and ah gotchu B, pop a cap in dat white assz of urs, no lie, meet me NEweah, and watch me beat cho assz, iight 1 peace niggah".
• Make up slang words, it usually catches on.
• Work out and get a six pack, then take off your shirt and take a mirror pic.
• Add the letter 'z' to any word that ends in 's'. (ex. I like scissorsz) You can also just add 'sz' to any word just for the hell of it. (ex. Ay yo hellsz yea lolsz)
• Please Note: If you are a "white cracker bitch" and insist on using tips shown above, please be careful. Excessive use of the word "nigger" may result in caps being busted. If you also include your address on your MySpace page, consider keeping your doors locked and blinds shut, and enforcing your windows with bullet-proof glass. Or stock up on Boys Like Girls. Niggasz hate dat shit.