Tom Bearden

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search


For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Tom Bearden.
Bearden in a meeting with pimp investor: "Look I shit you not. this time it will definitely work!"

Tom Bearden is believed to be of a alien being with the ability to control bullshit. Proof of this fact lies in the sheer amount of crap he produced over the last few decades. Consequently, the entirety of the scientific community have ignored his contributions.

Free bullshit creation[edit]

Bearden's quest for a limitless source of bullshit has started about 30 years ago. Many speculate that he has already succeeded in generating a device which produces more bs than it consumes. However due to interference from government secrete service agents , Japanese Yakuza's and funding issues, the technology has never been fully released to the public. The principles of it are simple however, consider the following.

Failed to parse (syntax error): {\displaystyle \frac{BS \, in}{BS \, out}=coefficient \; of \: BS \: (COB)}

Your typical Bearden device typically has COB coefficient of greater than 1.

Next consider a simple N dimensional vortex with 12 manifolds expressed as follows:

lost me yet ? Good! now go buy the dvd it explains EVERYTHING, even the forbidden positions of BS creation.

Free energy generator[edit]

Unfortunately due to great technical issues the free energy generator has been "delayed" for the last 30 years. During the final meeting with his investors Bearden was reported to guarantee success for merely another 12 million. At about this point the BS hit the fan leading to the destruction of all semi functional versions of the generator. Bearden, tiring of the BS, had decided to call it a century and retire to a tropical island of hot babes to nurse his waning erection (using funds generously donated by the investors of course). Before retiring however Bearden had passed the secretes of BS creation to his son Sean McCarthy at . Sean has made leaps and bounds in field of free BS creation technology, most notable of which were: making BS look good(the bling bling version), the professional version of BS(turd in a tuxedo version) and the reliably managed version of BS. Before leaving Bearden has warned his only half man half turd son to tread lightly as the BS + Fan curse was a unavoidable consequence of the free BS creation process. Will Sean succeed where his father only delayed or will the curse strike a terrible blow ? Only time will tell.

Bat fuck insanity[edit]

Having successfully purchased a doctorate in the Bat Fuck method of insanity from our very own Uncycloversity, a British institution with no building, campus, faculty, or president, and run from a post office box in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Bearden went on to publish several award winning non-fiction books such as "When in doubt, blame the Russian's" and "If that fails, try the Yakuza" and its sequel "Just don't ever tell her the truth about that night!".