The Frosties Kid
In the beginning, there was an egg cell. And unto this egg did come another cell: a sperm cell. It was a cell with strange genetic code, with peculiar DNA, with bizarre chemical influences. This egg grew into the Frosties Kid.
The egg cell itself belonged to an ordinary woman- so ordinary, in fact, that very little is known about her. She had no worldly goods, except a single diary. Born in an impoverished ginger biscuit factory in an English-speaking country, she had lived on the streets for many years after her disguise as a ginger biscuit failed to fool the staff.
Rumours vs. the Truth[edit | edit source]
Rumour has it that the Frosties kid is
a) A Mongolian yak-herder
b) Satan’s semi-evil grandson
c) A lemming
d) A South African gymnast (Honestly, who thought up that one? What’s wrong with people these days?)
e) Bobby Davro.
In fact, the Frosties kid is a strange being from space, with a mission to annoy the people of the world so much that they do not notice an alien invasion.
The Plan[edit | edit source]
The plan was this:
1) The infamous Frosties advert appears on TV, in cinemas, on all Macintosh servers, in copies of 'Heat' magazine, on the surface of Saturn, and somewhere among the many tattoos of a fat bloke in a pub in Leeds.
2) While the entire population of the Earth is busy complaining about the advert, torching boxes of Frosties and burning tiger effigies like there’s no tomorrow, a huge alien craft from space moves into attack position. The irony is that there IS no tomorrow.
3) Then, everyone dies, as the Earth is torched. Tony the Tiger is to blame, of course: he is the leader of the aliens responsible for the attack.
The Aliens[edit | edit source]
The hierarchy of the alien society can clearly be seen in the Kid's inferiority to Tony during the advert. Also, it was Tony who groomed, drugged and bummed the Kid during filming, rather than vice versa. (On reflection, Tony decided to cut this scene from the advert. If the advert been shown on live TV, things would have been very interesting.) The aliens are clearly very advanced in technological terms- this hypothesis is proven correct by the nature of the cereal-serving machine that appears at the beginning of the advert.
We can be thankful for…
a) The plan failing- thus far
b) Tony deciding not to film the Full Monty, or yet another episode of Eastenders
c) Tony not teaming up with Margaret Thatcher.
The New Frosties Kid[edit | edit source]
The search for a new frosties kid was long and ardous as everyone on Earth had realised that appearing as the frosties kid would ruin your social life. After realising that Frosties would set you up for life and clear your criminal record a new frosties kid was found in the form of Gaahl from Norwegian Black metal band Gorgoroth.
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