The Fork and Spoon War

The Great Fork and Spoon War, occurred between 1998-2006. The war started due to a misunderstanding between the forks and spoons; the Fork King Tony Scott sent a telegram to the Spoon leader Gay Baby, asking "Wheres Arkham Origins?". This, of course, changed everything. Gary the lamp told a naughty lie to Gay Baby, insisting the Forks had assassinated the guardian of bedtime, Peter Capaldi. The spoons in turn declared war! Jeff Bridges did not participate in the war, when asked about his stance he simply feigned ignorance. Jeff was killed in South Korea by a rogue spork. Tony Scott sacrificed his platinum rank in Overwatch to secure Jeff Bridges' mangled corpse.

Soon after the passing of Jeff Bridges, a cutlery amnesty was suggested but did not come to fruition. Despite his passing Jeff Bridges was later on Titan with Iron Man and Whoopi Goldberg.

Over 14 gay babies died at the battle of Helms Deep. The nuns of Christchurch solicited bribes from the Helms Deep survivors to illegally release Bob Fett's Sex Tape : The Babes of Boba Fett. "I am Bob Fett" - Bob Fett. Support for Boba in the spoon polls dropped significantly after this.

The Battle of Penzance

The first great battle took place on the grim streets of Penzance, It was during this time that Garry The Lamp transcended his mortal form and became Lamp incarnate. And so the Fork Union was formed, led by the Fork king. At first the forks had over 200 soldiers, while the spoons had a mere 60. After an accidental fireing on the knives (who had been neutral in the past) the forks once again had the odds against them, when Sir Bernard Adolf Frank Leslie IV (pope and leader of the knives) pleaded to the forks for help, the forks claimed that they didnt need the help because they had the ability to "wall run like a ninja" the battle changed dramatically soon.

The great wooden burning

In January 1999 the spoon's army general Terrance Falicity Gaddafi Horsepipe thought of a new mode of warfare, using FIRE BOMBS! He used his powerful connections to get help from Alan Titchmarsh and Paul O'Grady to provide the recipie for Fire, this couldnt be found so they improvised and used the recipie for death (commonly known as the Bic Mac) to start fires. After succesfuly creating the firebomb, they were fired on the wodden forks, the wooden forks had to escape the burning lands for they were the original holders of The One Ring, they traveled accross the land until they reached middle earth, and passed the ring on to the humans. They made an agreement with the humans to return home and fight the Spoon Menace . The Spoon Menace was then defeated after being Monopolized by Hasbro.

Intervention from the knife delegation

Despite numerous attempts by the United Nations to try and prevent warfare, president of the spoon committee Jim Davidson declared warfare on the forks after a failed heist by the forks led by Lieutenant Frank Drebin resulted in the death of over 400 spoonlets (Spoon Kiddies). Drebin launched a scud missile from Scunthorpe aimed in the direction of berlin thinking that world war 2 was still on going, but the missile hit a preschool in spooncity (located between the Island of Sodor and Prague) instantly blowing the spoons to bits. The president of the neighbouring country Sir Fat of controller was asked to prevent the outbreak of war and to send aid, but said he would rather "light a bunch of firecrackers up my anus and blow a cannon from my ass than sit back and see nothing happen." There were questions over the severity of these comments made by the controller(real name jermaine "droop-dog" Crouch) and a spokesman on behalf of him said that "The comments were aimed at the spoon nation as a whole who were a bunch of dirty mackem inbreds who pussy out of anything." These comments then led to the controller implanting a nuclear device upon Thomas the Tank Engine who consequently blew up the orphanage.

Lenny Simpson

"I have something for you, Lenny Simpson".

The slapping of Lenny, Simpson. Under no orders of anyone anime Homer Simpson broke oath. Pro-knife Lenny was only 28 at the time. Long may he rest.

The Lenny Simpson protests were far and wide across the UK. A candle light vigil was held in Islington with celebrities such as Jim Broadbent and John Keenan in attendance.

Boba Fett's Sex

The Death Of the Fork King

When the wooden forks returned, the forks were in desperate need of help and the wooden ones didn't have much help because on the way back 99% of the humans had been killed Sauron but the forks were optimistic. Unfortunately Leroy had been hurt by a fire bomb and had been slightly bent. Leroy then went asplode and died. The forks could see loss on the Horizon.

A new hope

The Forks were loosing..... badly and were on the verge of Destruction, until a new hope came to them, the former king Leroy's only child "Terrance Stalin the sharp" returned from holiday.After months of political uprising Terrance came to the throne and after years of being in power he lead the forks to a confusing victory

After the war

Many years after the war, the Fork leaders decided to once again make contact with the knife menace because they heard of their recent involvment with the FIGHT TO THE DEATH between Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black The Forks supported the knives as much as possible and eventually ended the struggle by giving Rebecca Black the Fork of Power and she destroyed Justin Bieber. This was followed by years of peace and freedom between the old enemy.

Sadly, M9's internet dropped out and all ended.