Talk:Jolt Cola

From Pee Review

Latest:

Humour:	7	Starts well, which is good to keep people reading. Some creative elements, such as the friend with the name I won't try to pronounce - and he introduces the bit about the morgue subtly, so the reader is a somewhat shocked and wanting to hear more. I also liked his "Vuhkeeng", how you make fun of the FDA, and the part about Coke using real cocaine (even if it is true). Certain sections, such as the European accent part, the morgue, and the Surgeon General's Warning are the high parts, and if you would re-work some of the other sections you could have a really good article. I would work on the Varients/Flavours section - I think you could do better than red/blue links or sucking balls; try to use some of that creativity that's elsewhere in the article. You repeat the cherry bomb joke, so it's old by the time you get to this section (take it out of the earlier section). Another example of a section that's a bit weak: the second paragraph under History - make more of something, maybe the part about Franklinstein's health, so that the reader isn't left reading a paragraph that's mostly narrative with little humour.
Concept:	9	Great product to do an article on. The idea of Ben Franklin works well, and combining him with Franklinstein adds character.
Prose and formatting:	8	Everything is well-written and formatted. You use formatting to good effect, such as italics, the short bulleted list, and the warning section. You could still remove some red links - some of them are articles that will never be written.
Images:	6	Not bad. Make the Franklinstein picture bigger because it's hard to see the bolt.
Miscellaneous:	5	I know some people like kitten huffing, but personally I've seen it in too many articles. You could also lengthen the sections on cult following and target audience.
Final Score:	35	Gets a good score due to good formatting and concept, but work on the humour in some sections to have a really good article. Obviously improved since the last Pee Review.
Reviewer:	Slithy Tove 05:11, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

Original:

Humour:	3	Relies too heavily on jokes form other articles, and those jokes that are original to this work aren't as funny.
Concept:	8	This article really needs to be made. Jolt cola is one of those subjects begging to be mocked. You've had a good idea, the only thing left is to execute the joke.
Prose and formatting:	5	Not great, but not horrible, either. Needs fewer red links, and some more content, certainly. The parts with no content at all just seem like placeholders (which I'm sure they are).
Images:	6	Has some potential, and the one at the bottom is rather humorous.
Miscellaneous:	4	I feel like this could be a lot better than it is now. Of course, finishing it will go a long way toward this goal.
Final Score:	26	A really good idea, as I think this subject needs to be mocked. You need to rely less on other funny articles and go for original humor, however. Also, finishing the article would certainly improve its quality. Caffeine jokes, addiction jokes, jokes about side-effects, jokes about the horrific consequences of drinking such an EXTREME drink, and the like, are all ready for the plucking here. You could also probably get away with jokes about electrocution and maybe even something about Dr. Frankenstein or Benjamin Franklin. The sky's the limit with this article.
Reviewer:	--<<>> 20:16, 24 January 2007 (UTC)