Talk:Claudius

Pee Review

Humour:	7	Note 1. “Claudius was known in his time as either C-C-Claudius (not due to a stutter but due to a desire for extra syllables) or "That old coot!" He was the uncle and brother of Nero and assisted him in politics and burning DVDs. Historians have painted an unfair picture of Claudius as a blithering old fool, we can blame this on folks such as Tic-Tacitus who throughout history have shown Claudius as a twit and a blunder. Claudius was also a popular novelist; his book I Claudius was written under the pseudonym of Robert Graves and has recently been made into a video game and cult pornographic BBC series” The beginning witnesses too many flights into the absurd and foreshadows the frequent flights to come. The flights while always welcome are not particularly funny. P.S. I’m actually in the middle of watching “ I, Claudius” and, if I recall correctly, in the beginning Claudius tells the viewer that when he went to visit an oracle one day, the prophetess relayed his oracle back whilst addressing him with a tic: “C-C-Claudius”. It’s funny, but cruel huh? Also, “Tic-Tacitus”<--Haha, funny. Note 2. Several parts elicited “???’s”. Unfortunately, the humor relies too much on very specialized knowledge. The first section identified a whole slew of people (Cassius, Agrippa, and Caligula) who are literal unknowns to most. Essentially, the humor is obstructed by ignorance on the part of the reader; and whatever semblance of a starting point for the fumbling reader is obscured by digressions into “Only after these lengthy decisions were made did he remove all the horse senators that Caligula had placed in the senate and allowed the human ones back in. Most historians see this as a smart decision as 200 horses are far more organized and clean than 200 old men” and the like (I understand that the truth is actually far funnier than the above exaggeration: you could mention that Caligula historically installed his horse as his consul). However, “okay to kill someone provided you shouted "videt!" or "surprise!" first” made me laugh. Note 3. “Claudius was related to Caligula (Gaius) thanks to the awesome Dynastic plan of Augustus. This plan involved the interbreeding of the imperial family with a plan to create a super-emperor, not too dissimilar to Oedipus and That Guy. Sadly however it resulted in gents such as Nero who was a bit odd to say the least” Exaggeration, irony, and understatement illicit the lols: excellent! Taking out “That Guy” would not undermine the strength of that already clever and ironic assertion that Oedipus went out of his way to marry and impregnate his mother and so forever damn himself. Note 4. “Her sexual antics were not her own fault, but rather that of a nefarious flower as is explained later in this article. Sadly, however, she was ordered to commit suicide for her infidelity leaving behind her son Encyclopedia Britannicus.” Those two sentences are brilliant. The first is an excellent example of judicious booking of flights into the absurd and the second is just all too punny! Note 5. “Messalina and Agrippina do have two things in common they both loved semolina and they both commented that Claudius had a tiny wein... The rest of this document has been lost/hidden down the back of the sofa” Crass. Note 6. “The entire invasion was called off after some crazy lady revolted and burned the Empire's remaining Minty Chocolate supply... and Colchester... oh and London, but that’s not important. What is important is that the Romans were able to defeat this rebellion (using cheesy biscuits) and bring England under control. However Scotland still remained hostile but the Roman's didn't really care and quite right too.” Employing historical prejudices is tiresome: contribute something new and profound into that boiling bouillabaisse of bigotry or just leave it alone to simmer. Note 7. “Contrary to most historians, Narcissus has recently been proved to be a flower, not a freed Greek slave. Narcissus has been a prevalent member of Greek Mythology, assisting heroes such as Alexander the Great and Achilles in their sexual conquests. However Claudius used Narcissus for political advice. A flower such as Narcissus was a demanding flora, for that reason he began to betray Claudius after discovering that Claudius had no phosphates to offer an Amaryllis of his status. Narcissus soon began to offer advice to Messalina and convinced her to have sexual engagements with other men, hence leading to her downfall. Narcissus was executed for treachery. The execution was carried out by an Imperial Palace Gardener who used a bottle of weedol on the ethereal being. Narcissus faced the end of his life then and there; his final words were similar to that of a bowl of petunias. "Oh no, not again!"” How fun! I also appreciate the HGTG reference.
Concept:	8	Brilliant concept but certainly improvable execution. Note 1. “So the next time you are wandering through the verdant fields of Southern England on a warm summers day be careful. You might happen to see a white haired, ancient looking man with a stutter, wandering alone in the bushes or enjoying a glass of wine by the road. This could be Claudius; if you see him then you know what to do. Put the poor bastard out of his misery.” Unfortunately, one asks “why should we?” This article proves that his life was eventful. But should that illicit sympathy? Once again, the article assumes too much knowledge on Mosta Crapa Romana (read: Roman Age of Most Distressing Compounding Crappiness).
Prose and formatting:	7	The article employs perfectly normal and non-threatening English prose. It was easy on the eyes. Formatting isn't my forte: but I do believe the article is keeping with the expectant normal and non-threatening article style.
Images:	9	The images were excellent. The captions were funny, silly, and absurd. My personal favorite is the one with Claudius and the flower.
Miscellaneous:	7	Because for every ^_^ moment I had, 3 *_* moments followed.
Final Score:	38	I enjoyed reviewing this article. And as of right now, I am enjoying the accompanying tv-series, ha! Truly, this article wants to be a god. May one suggest going back through the article and pruning dead weight. The lines designated as gems truly are gems: it is a shame that their brilliance is obscured by forays into the absurd, crass, or uninspired. Just take your time and polish your already sparkling silliness. Oh! Before I forget, I don't know how exactly but try to make the subject matter more accessible to people. I've no idea how, but I imagine you'll get it.
Reviewer:	I, Mightydandylion 22:20, 6 March 2008 (UTC)