Sleep Country
Sleep Country The Country of Sleep Land of the Sleepyheads | |||||
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| Motto: Why buy a mattress anywhere else? | |||||
| Anthem: Private Idaho ("Satan is my mattress!") | |||||
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| Capital | Serta | ||||
| Largest city | IKEA | ||||
| Official language(s) | English | ||||
| Government | Politics makes me sleepy | ||||
| National Hero(es) | John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Andy Capp | ||||
| Currency | Feathers | ||||
| Religion | The crucifix above my bed | ||||
Sleep Country is a country.
Founding Father[edit | edit source]
Sleep Country was founded in 1995 by Dutch immigrant Rip van Winkle after he made a concession with the native Cancucks to grant it independence from Canuckistan, In return, he would export pillows, pillowcases, mattresses and bed sets at incredibly low prices that have to be seen to be believed.
System of Government[edit | edit source]
Sleep Country is run by a parliamentary system that is currently ruled by The Slumber Party, with Rip Van Winkle currently acting as Prime Minister. The Slumber Party always wins elections, since the voters usually stay in bed.
Towns have chiefs who earn their position as the one with the most bed sores. Once, in the town of Beautyrest, a newly-deemed town chief named Oin was accused of irregularities when it was found he had fewer bedsores than his opponent, but the wounds he displayed appeared to have been acquired from sleeping on a bed of nails.
People and Society[edit | edit source]
In Sleep Country, indolence is celebrated, and aversion to work, worshiped. It is the only nation that has an active hobbit population, who set the standard for leisure and hairy feet. Hobbits sleep three times during the day, and eat four times a day, if you don't count morning tea, elevenses, and the like. They were once allowed to vote, but were not tall enough to put the ballots in the ballot boxes, so the idea was put to rest, and lawmakers said they would sleep on it.
They are devout followers of Yoko Ono and the late John Lennon. Every May 26, they re-enact the Montreal "bed-in", but while the Vietnam War Lennon and Yoko were protesting has ended over 35 years ago, no-one told them the war was over. But what really inspires them is John and Yoko's popularization of staying in bed as a form of social activism. They have been staying in bed as a way of feeding the needy, protesting the outcome of the last election, and once in attempting to stop the nuclear power plant from being built in the nearby town of Simmons. But since the inhabitants of Sleep Country sleep at every excuse, nobody can tell there is a protest going on for all of the normal napping during the day.
Pastimes and Culture[edit | edit source]
Pastimes of Sleepyheads include, but are not limited to: watching paint dry, watching hair grow, counting the number of blades of grass in a golf course, eventually making a medicine ball out of belly button lint one day, knitting a scarf and not knowing when to stop, and counting grains of sand in a beach. The annual Sleepyhead Picnic consists of 3-legged races from sacks made from pillowcases.
It is considered impolite to call on a Sleepyhead during designated sleeping hours.
Birth, Marriage and Death[edit | edit source]
Birth. The last thing Sleepyheads need is the cry of a baby to wake everyone up. It is considered rude in Sleepyhead culture to make loud noises during designated sleep times, and those babies who don't make the cut are deported from the country to be adopted in places outside of Sleep Country.
Courtship and Marriage. Sleepyheads are going about their lives only for a few hours during the day. They shop and go about their work, or tend to their gardens, which leaves precious little time to form social bonds. They tend to marry and mate indiscriminately, since the courtship process makes them feel awkward, and marriage is just a formality, since getting along isn't important to them, seeing as they will be sleeping most of the time anyway.
Death. It is customary for Sleepyheads to be buried "in the bed that brung ya". While this makes for wide grave plots, it has been acceptable in populated areas to bury people sideways. In the largest city, IKEA, burials have been held with the dead person buried end-on, in the standing up position. This has led to a few lawsuits when it was found that some people had been buried upside down.
