Shrmouse
“The Shrmouse is a marvel of creation; it is so good I would eat one.”
| Shrmouse | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Scientific classification | |
| Domain | Prekaryote |
| Kingdom | Scandannavian |
| Phylum | About 5 pounds 3 ounces |
| Class | Blademaster |
| Order | Head, body, tail |
| Family | Single parent |
| Tribe | Æsir |
| Genus | Pure |
| Species | Shrew + Mouse = Shrmouse |
| Binomial name | |
| Sort-of-kinda-maybe-bit-like-a-mouse/shrew-thing | |
| Specifications | |
| Primary armament | 2d6+7, sizzler |
| Secondary armament | 3d4+6, hamster launcher |
| Power supply | Intergalactic/time travel |
| Health | 777 |
| Mana | 47 |
| Strength | 69 |
| Intelligence | 58 |
| Weight | 16,758 Lb. |
| Length | 4-5 inches |
| Special attack | Ragnarök |
| Conservation status | |
| Just look closely, you'll see it | |
A Shrmouse is an animal with the agility of a mouse and the backbone of a shrew, able to take corners with a man on its back at 60km/h. Due to its mouse likeness, the Shrmouse can fit through a hole the size of your pinky, relocationg its internal organs into its ears and nasal cavity. Shrmouses have another uncanny, but rare and not happening often ability; that of telekinesis and some have been known to have Jedi ancestry, Yoda is 1/87th Shrmousanese. This has spurred calls to call the Shrmouse the oldest animal in existence as it would have had to travel 20 thousand light years from the Star Wars galaxy Far, Far Away.
The History of the Shrmouse[edit | edit source]
The Shrmouse was first created by Dr.Gerald Von Sizler Und Zat Hamster or otherwise known as, The Big G, in the early 1920s. He created it because according to him "The standard nowadays of both the Shrew and the Mouse has deteriorated to the point of stupidity".Most people simply believe that he created the animal as a means to take over the world, a plan which eventually failed. Although this theory was never proven the idea has been hinted at in the book "The master of Shrmouses" the official biography about Dr. Gerald written by his grandson Tony Von Sizler Und zat Hamster. Dr. Gerald's son Horatio Englebert Von Sizler Und Zat Hamster was the first person to stand on a Shrmouse and rode the Shrmouse to school the very next day. Shrmouses have carried some of the fattest and laziest people in history such as Winston Churchill, Pavarotti and Lance Armstrong.
Recently the Shrmouse has become known to the wider public. It has been incorporated into modern society very well becoming a cult figure in many parts of the globe. There have been many new competitions involving Shrmouses which include shrmouse elephant carrying competitions in which the Shrmouse must navigate various obsitacles including fire hoops and large dinosuars obviously while carrying an elephant on their back.
In more ancient times the Shrmouse was worshipped as a God among the Ancient Egyptians. It is unknown how the Egyptians knew of an animal not created for many thousands of years although it is theorised that the Shrmouses some time in the distant future built a time machine to take them back to time of the pyramids. They then became known as the God of "Large Moving Blocks" on account of their assistances on the building on the pyramids where they carried all the large sandstone blocks on to the top of the pyramids. The first reported mummifying of a Shrmouse was done by the Pharaoh Tutankamster and his loyal servant, Bob. The shrmouses became infuriated by this breach of their basic Demi-God rights. They later stole Ra's boat and sailed to Northern Europe where they founded the first Viking settlement. Once settled in Scandinavia they waged war on the local lemming population. This war was known as Ragnarok, during the war the Shrmouse leader lost his left eye and received omniscience for his sacrifice. They eventually succumbed to the vast lemming forces when they were betrayed by another Shrmouse known only as Loki. All of the shrmouse population was destroyed... which is odd... seeing as somehow the shrmouse population has been breeding quite happily in my backyard... hence disproving this crazy belief that the shrmousanese have been destroyed... however the shrmouse called Loki... he was killed... he was hit by a mountain. All the while lemmings continued on with their quiet life jumping off of cliffs.
Shrmice[edit | edit source]
Thought to be the plural of Shrmouse, Shrmice is actually a small rural town on the southern face of Olympos Mons, the biggest mountain on Mars. Shrmice is a small, rural town, filled with battle-crazed Siamang monkeys. Their leader is a relatively small monkey named "Vox". vox loves slitting throats, and kniting and knittting after a long days war.