Schick
“Like a knife... only sharper!
Draws blood first time... every time!
Lose that unwanted layer of skin!
Go on, be a mensch... use Schick”
“Schick changed my life. Thank you, Mr.Schick!”
“Fully Schick uleh!!”
Schick is one of the leading producers of shaving equipment in the developed world. Celebrities such as Jordan and Ozzy Osbourne have promoted the company, which is also one of the leading voices in the struggle against male pattern hairiness.
Origins[edit | edit source]
Schick corporation was founded by the Right Reverend Holy Schick in 1945. The reverend had long held interest in creating an organization that would pay equal attention to correct shaving practises and Christian morality.
The first 1000 purchasers of Schick razors were rewarded with a free hymnal, and a year's subscription to the magazine 'New Jesus'. This move was condemned by a couple of old fogies, including the esteemed film director Pier Paolo Pasolini, who described the fucking disgrace as "quite unacceptable, in my humble opinion".
Faced with the prospect of angry letters, the Reverend Schick fled to the island nation of Nauru, where he reopened the business, sans the Christian connotations.
New Ownership[edit | edit source]
The reverend was assassinated by the CIA died peacefully in his sleep in 1958. The company passed into the hands of his next-door neighbour, Mr. Smackhead, the dope fiend. Smackhead was to revolutionise the shaving industry by producing razors with pink handles, a move that made Schick a household name throughout the world. However, the company still had its detractors: a 1964 OH&S inquiry found that the product was highly likely to be defective. Numerous accounts were reported of unsuspecting customers receiving pubic hair samples in their razors, with one victim filing a lawsuit after using one such razor to floss his teeth.
Smackhead resigned in affluent shame, nothing more than a shell of the man he used to be. Schick Co looked headed for bankruptcy, until it was rescued by a man of African-American appearance. The corporation finally returned to its homeland of Bulgaria, and slowly eased its way back into public acceptance. It has since become the leading manufacturer of shaving products in the whole entire world.
Schick Today[edit | edit source]
Compared to its early years, Schick Co has been fairly uncontroversial in recent decades, notwithstanding the allegations that it financed the September 11 terrorist attacks. The corporation now functions as a Marxist collective, according to a reliable source, who requested to be named. The company produces many different varieties of razors (blue, red, pink and green), and also manufactures a shitload of other shaving accessories. Schick Co even has a training video, which teaches prospective shavers how to shave their testes and fingertips.
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
In conclusion, Schick Co deals with several key issues that relate to life, happiness, and the human condition. It is in truly realising these themes that Schick rises above so many other so-called pieces of art. As the famed painter Pieter Bruegel said, "It's not what you have, it's what you do with it" - advice that would benefit all of us.