Rube Goldberg machine
“Umm, dad, I want a scale, a pendulum, a stopwatch, a balloon, some grease, an entire house for 20 years, , 2100 dominoes...”
“Who would've imagined that how I removed frustration after marriage would become so addictive...”
“I am on the edge of a bridge.”
“Wait there, I am designing a Rube goldberg machine to push you off.”
A Rube Goldberg machine, device, or apparatus (probably made by either Reuben ("Rube") Lucius Goldberg or my grandfather) is an evolved form of machine[1] and are designed to awe people without really letting them understand what is going on. Creators of Rube Goldberg machines are generally highly sophisticated nerds.
An exception to this rule are the divorced, fired, and those who have nothing to do in life. Unless they are children. Then they have been dejected, rusticated from school, and are not taken to play cricket or football with friends. The latter just pick up things from Mama’s kitchen, their bedroom, their garage, start nailing some things together, sticking some things, leavings other round and cylindrical things loose, and bingo… there is a Rube Goldberg machine.
Invention[edit | edit source]
The inventor of the first Rube Goldberg machine, Reuben "Rube" Lucius Goldberg, was actually in the beginning, a cartoonist, with a love of complexity. He created machines that do tasks that require a few seconds, but the machines themselves required a few hours to work. Plus, the machines were one-time use and non-disposable and only geeks could reuse them. He was also a cartoonist (one who acts cartoonish) and started using such machines in his cartoons. People did not want to see {[<(Refer to image below)>]} a what-looks-like-a toast falling onto a spoon with a bowl of the same size with a thread held by Dr....Ahem...Butt connected by pipes (or dull grey metallic noodles) connected to a plate with a-wind direction-shower with two ends, on one of which sits a woodpecker, the other, some funnel vomiting onto a bucket the size of a mole, pulling a thread attached to a burning matchstick, and a rocket with an axe on its butt, with a thread in the middle holding a napkin, which, for no reason is dangling from a clock.
All they wanna see is some frickin' cartoons kill their time...
However, after eating the Rube Goldburger (see addiction and pandemic), they started loving these machines, and started making them. It spread like wildfire, thus the invention of Rube Goldberg machines.
Rube Goldberg machines and pollution[edit | edit source]
The discovery of the wheel (responsible for pollution) was also considered a Rube Goldberg machine. Stone age man would climb up to a high hill, and leave the wheel rolling down a hill. The wheel would hit a stone, which, as fate would have it, resulted in a landslide.[2] The landslide included flint stones which ignited the grass and trees. The fire crept up the trees and resulted in a forest fire. Man thought that, "If the wheel did not cause any harm, why would the fire that was created from it would?" Apparently, this made him the most smart, fearless person. He discovered how to use fire, but he was too adventurous, and burned himself. It started raining, and he was saved. So, by this experience, he learnt how to use and control fire.
Thus, today man has been able to create such marvelous machines, that run on electricity. The primary source of electricity production is water heated to steam by..by..burning coal.[3] So, Rube Goldberg machines are the cause of Pollution.
Physics[edit | edit source]
Complex physics has been known to power Rube Goldberg machines. These branches of physics are extremely mysterious and no scientist or nerd has ever been able to solve the equations involved. Most simple people try to explain it using gravity and inertia, but there are a whole different set of forces involved.
- Gravity
- Inertia
- Of rest and momentum
- Centrifugal force
- Centripetal force
- Invisible power lines
- Telekinesis
- Being skilled at Adobe after effects and Adobe Photoshop.
Addiction and Pandemic[edit | edit source]
Addiction[edit | edit source]
The inventor of Rube Goldberg machines also created a burger name Rube Gold-Burger. He went searching around town for a stall or fast food giant to feature his burger. McDonald decided to try it out, and it turned out to be an instant hit. This was because the burger tasted extremely delicious was because the burger contained a special substance which no one has yet figured out, but it made people get attracted to the addicting substance. However people started vomiting later, and came complaining to the guys at McDonald's.
Pandemic[edit | edit source]
Once McDonalds stopped selling these burgers, vomiting cases subsided, but a contagious after effect remained: The craving to make Rube Goldberg machines. The disease spread round the world like wildfire, reaching every nook and corner of the universe.
Some Characteristics[edit | edit source]
- Extraordinarily over-engineered and ridiculously complex contraptions specially designed to demonstrate any or all of the following:
- To prove that you are the smartest guy in town
- To prove that you are a nerd.
- To prove that every action has an equal, opposite, confusing, spiraling, maddening, mind exploding reaction, capable of making a person unconscious.
- These machines are created to carry out tasks
oftenalways too simple for the hard work, money, time, studies, pasta, noodles, space, quantum particles, sweat and saliva, pancreas, liver, intestines, brains and digestive juices put in. - A Rube Goldberg machine is machine that drastically reduces of the human mind's thinking capacity, and to grasp, analyse & process information from a few years, to decades. Zombies are no one but people waking from the dead, finally understanding what they had seen in childhood.
Some of the things that happen due to Rube Goldberg addiction are:
- Mass wastage of time
- Mass wastage of money
- Brain damage caused by the confusion leading to Amnesia (Forgetfulness).
- Lots of space is required. Why not give that space to the beggars?
- Lots of energy (of your Mom) is wasted. When she shouts at you after the mess you've made, she'll have used up enough energy to power your house for one week
- Creates a lot of mess
- Amnesia (Forgetfulness) is caused by the confusion resulting in brain Damage.
- The confusion leads to Brai... I think i already said that. I think I'm addicted.