Rollerball

What it is

In 2002 a landmark film was created and made it's way into the hearts of tens of people all over the world. That film was Rollerball. Be prepared for the movie experience of your life because you'll die shortly after watching it (probably by your own hand, pissy little girls don't come out of the TV and kill you, although that would make the movie better). The all star cast features LL Cool J (Halloween H2O, Deep Blue Sea), Rebecca Romijn-Stamos (Dirty Work, Friends) and Chris Klein (The Douche Bag from the first two American Pie movies). Rollerball is a remake of a 1975 film that three or four people watched, and the 2002 version of the film is widely regarded as the worst film of all time.

Plot

famous scene from Rollerball

In the year 2005 (two years before this article was written) a blood sport will be created called Rollerball. The rules of the game are simple, hit other people with sticks until someone tells you to stop. LL Cool J, Chris Klein, and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos will have a fun time playing this game. After about an hour and a half, everything will go black, and names will be shown on the screen. This means that LL Cool J, Chris Klein, and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos have either found something better to do or have gone to bed.

Awards

The funny part of Rollerball

Through it's run as a film and a failed TV series, Rollerball has been awarded numerous achievements as follows:

• The Whirletzer prize for best presentation of the color Red
• The John Denver prize for lighting the bottom half of LL Cool J.
• The Golden Globe for best Shamrock Shakes
• The Grimmace prize for least amount of character development
• The Bruce Willis award for most male nudity in a single scene
• The LL Cool J. award for having LL Cool J. in the film
• The LL Cool J. award for having Chris Klein in the film
• The Golden Rocket for lowest quality sound editing in a movie with LL Cool J. in it
• The Sam's Club award for campgrounds with the least gravel
• The Platinum Nut for best Battle-Bot in the series

Fun Facts

• Jim Carry was supposed to play the lead in the film, but turned it down saying that the film was "Below the standards of my work".
• Chris Klein is specifically banned from a majority of European countries and the polar ice caps on account of his role in the film.
• President George W. Bush was quoted as saying "I'm gonna stab them all damn it!" It is yet to be determined whether or not he was talking about Rollerball or the Middle East, but it was probably Rollerball.
• The Game Rollerball is based off of Capture the Flag, except there's a large metal ball rolling around and you have to beat the shit out of everyone.
• Rollerball is the reason you hit yourself when you're angry.
• If everyone cared and nobody cried if everyone loved and nobody lied if everyone shared and swallowed their pride then we'd see the day that Rollerball was not played on network television.
• If Abraham Lincoln was alive today and witnessed the movie, he probably wouldn't like it.
• Wilford Brimley was going to be in the movie, he got kicked off because he had "diabetes".
• A kid named Tyler once saw the movie. He said it was "okay".

The true inspiration for the film