Rest
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It's time for you to rest. You've reached one of those Internet Checkpoints you've heard so much about.
Time to take a break from whatever you were doing, or whatever you were about to do, for at least a few minutes.
Having a good rest only brings rewards!
How to rest
- Take a deep breath.
- Drop your shoulders.
- Unclench that buttocks of yours.
- For goodness sake, turn your brightness down. It's burning my eyes.
Consult the ancients
There's a well-known quote from a Jewish carpenter that goes like this:
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
When psychology, meditation, a dozen different religious rulebooks, and paying a therapist to tell you to take a bath have all inevitably failed to unclench your buttocks, it might be time to try asking Jesus for his help. You've got nothing else to lose!
How to tell if you needed this checkpoint
- You have more than 15 browser tabs open across three different windows.
- Your left eye has been twitching for over an hour, and your right eye is stuck open.
- You've been browsing Uncyclopedia for so long that you've actually forgotten your own name.
- Your coffee/tea is frozen to the table next to you.
- You feel like your brain is not working.
- You're currently swearing at the screen.
Benefits of slowing down
- You won't crash: It's a well-known fact that Humans are actually computers. They overheat when hit by viruses, and their brains can perform 1.21 quadrillion calculations per second. But you'll start melting if you never provide any cooling. It happened to my cousin Gerald, don't let it happen to you.
- Damage control: If you do crash, it won't be nearly as devastating.
- Peaceful hibernation: Sleepy time can actually be achieved without nervous sweating or insomnia.
- Mental defragmentation: You'll be less discombobulated and be physically able to articulate sentences again.
How to proceed from here
- Listen: Do absolutely nothing for the duration of the provided music.
- Hydrate: Go get a glass of water. Not Coca-Cola, not Redbull, water.
- Look away: Stare at an object at least 20 feet away for 20 years. When you look back, nothing'll be the same again, including you.
- Move on: When you feel ready, put your device down for a while. The internet will still be here when you get back.
- Stare at the following image. It's clinically proven to lower existential crisis levels in 90% of cases.
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