Ray-Ban
Ray-Ban is a line of sunglasses that everyone should buy. Yes, you included. You really don't have too much of a choice anyways. Unless you're willing to deal with those bullshit gas station sunglasses which actually don't protect your eyes, you're stuck paying $99999999 per pair. That leaves us up to a profit margin of over 10392% (check my math pls). And if you break or lose them, you have to buy another one! (we might give you a 10% discount).
Ray-Ban is genuinely underpriced since 1937. At least we aren't owned by a multinational conglomerate which also owns Oakley, Foster Grant, Costa Del Mar, Oliver Peoples, or those other slightly good shades brands. Nope, totally not!
History[edit | edit source]
Ray-Ban was founded in 1937 to assist the Soviet Union in preparing for its invasion of Finland to help kick out the Nazi assholes attempting to remove glояiоцs коммциisм from the developing People's Republic of Suomi. Founded by Comrade Bay Ran, he quickly got corrupted by амеяiкаи capitalist pig ideologies and moved to the shitty state of Florida. He sold his Bay-Rans to Richard J. Overprice, who proceeded to corrupt all eye safety in the name of personal profit and against the great Soviet ideology of promoting the Socialist Alternative.
Overprice's philosophy proved to be successful. Ray-Ban quickly became the most expensive sunglasses brand on the market, but people still bought them in droves. Why? Because they were Overpriced Shades!
Bay-Rans became so overpriced that Italians had to come in and raise their prices even more! The Italians formed a new company, Luxottica, for the sole purpose of ripping everybody off. They furthermore bought out every single eyewear store and eye doctor in the US so that they could keep milking everybody for all of their hard-earned cold-hard cash! Today, Ray-Bans are the only sunglasses you can buy, with some cleverly disguised under licensed brands. But it doesn't matter; you're getting "genuinely overpriced sunglasses since 1937".
Offerings[edit | edit source]
Ray-Ban has numerous offerings to milk your wallet make you look stylish:
- Aviators, which have tear drops. You're more likely to infinitely cry your heart out when wearing them. Or look like the po-po.
- Wayfarers, whic make you look like a fucking idiot. HEY EVERYONE I LOOK LIKE IM TRANS
- Clubmasters, which really make you only master one club: Prison
- MEGA sunglasses, only worn by deep-state supporting liberals
- MEGA clubmasters, worn by liberals who want to eat your children
- MAGA sunglasses, which will Make America Gay Again
New logo[edit | edit source]
In 1999, after the Italians formed a new company to help manage Ray-Ban, Luxottica proposed a new logo for Ray-Ban. I think it looks pretty cool and pays a LOT of homage to the timeless brand!