Rapist van

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The rapist van (or "creepmobile") is a windowless Ford Econoline, Chevrolet G-Series, Dodge Ram Van, GMC H-Series, or a Suzuki Cultus. It is a full-sized van rather than a minivan, because not even rapists and child molesters want to be seen driving a minivan. Even rapists can be cock blocked by a Toyota Sienna, Honda Odyssey, Plymouth Voyager, Dodge Caravan, Buick Terraza, or Ford Freestar. The full-sized van is the rapists vehicle of choice because it is the size of an ice cream truck and doesn't stand out at all. The windowless model is chosen because the rapist wants some privacy while they pow them in the kisser and also because they can charge for advertising.

The Vans[edit]

Rapists and child molesters can be profiled by the vans they drive. The more affluent drive newer models while the more poor obviously drive older model vans. The Windowless Cultus is the most common van used with 99% of all child molestations occurring in the back of one compared to 30% in a Ford Econoline, 5% in a Dodge Ram Van, and 1% in a GMC Van and Chevy Van (Although due to the similarity with the Chevy it is unclear whether the children may have been confused).

The Usual[edit]


The most common rapist van is the windowless Ford Econoline or Chevy G-Van due to the excellent level of privacy they provide and the ability to fit a mattress in the back which provides optimal comfort for the child. The desperate child molester or potential noob molester will spray paint Free Candy or Free Puppies on the side of their van as they have not had much luck catching their prey and have begun targeting the less evolved and stupid children of the urban ghettos and semi-affluent rural towns' playgrounds. The more talented or experienced rapists and child molesters do not spray paint anything on their vans because that just makes it that much easier to find them.

The Windowless Cultus.

When an pedo is on the prowl they usualy put effort into there work but in the picture repersented here (left) you can see that their work is subpar at best. (I personally as a creeepy guy on the internet think that you should blend into the backgrounds as well as possible.) The key is to make it so you aren't memberable in any way. Just be your neighborhood van guy that likes vans and constantly re-painting his van.

Ultimate molester van[edit]

If you see this van, RUN!

The Ultimate Rapist Van is the old school bus van because kids are stupid and they won't question an over weight, half naked, sweaty guy panting like an asthmatic in L.A. sitting behind the wheel. Don't forget to say that everyone is going to disney land because kids will obey you like you are the law if you do so.

Ultimate molester van #2[edit]

The most coveted van of the child molester and rapist is the Ice Cream Van. Kids practically shit their pants and run towards them when they hear the Ice Cream man coming and try and run away when they see the Ice Cream man cumming. These are used by the most sly and cunning child molesters/rapists though and rarely are seen.

If this Ice Cream man says he has a special flavor inside JUST for you, RUN right into the truck and have some fun. (If you can round up some of your friends for extra fun because the more the merrier.)

The rapist vans were made around the same time as when the first man fashioned his hair into a mullet.