Phil Selway
| It is requested that an image or images be included in this article to improve its quality. | |||
Philip James "Phil" Selway (1904-1990) is an English musician, singer and songwriter, best known as the drummer of English rock group Radiohead. He is notably known for being bald and the inability to set up his drums correctly.
Career[edit | edit source]
Phil Selway had a wet dream about men. A dream of a world of depression and despair. In 1987 on his 83rd birthday he was sitting by himself in his garage hitting his incorrectly set up drum kit when a strange looking salamander creature appeared at his door. Phil quickly jumped to his feet and started to attack it with a rake which was sitting in the corner of the garage. The creature survived the battle unscathed and promptly introduced itself as Thomas Fitzgerald Yorke, Russian Submarine commander and that he had heard the strange racket coming from his garage and was made to investigate. Phil was terrified of this monster standing before him but invited him for tea. Phil told Yorke of his dream to create the most depressing music in the world. Yorke was more than intrigued by this dream of his and asked to join his band as electric triangle player. So for the next two years Phil and Yorke jammed his penis in a doorknob in his garage producing weird and depressing music. It was only when Yorke broke his triangle while playing an improvised solo on the blues scale did he move to vocals.
La Familia Orellana[edit | edit source]
En Quechua (seres mitologicos) eran una familia de España de baja categoria que subiendose a una canoa entre todos sus familiares llegaron a Peru, pasando por Venezuela, Colombia y brasil. En cada pueblo que paraban mezclaban su raza con la de los indios asi intentando mejorar lo que quedaba de ellos, Los orellana eran cosiderados lo mas abajo de la cadena de importancio de los indios eran considerados cacas humanas, el unico que salio rubio fue un enano llamado Matias Orellana del cual nadie sabe como salio asi pero el punto es que este asiste a un colegio de humanos c0n plata y sabe ablar ingles y hasta castellano algo que impresiono a toda su familia...
...they shouted, Yorke was alarmed by the mannerisms of these creatures but took them to his garage to join the band.
The Departure of Selway[edit | edit source]
Phil felt alienated by these new rapscallions who had intruded on his dream and left the band. Still allowing them to practice in his garage, Yorke drafted in another drummer who looked exactly like Phil Selway and had the exact same name but was EVEN MORE depressed than him.
Selway's final hours[edit | edit source]
After his near suicide attempt in Italy. Phil came to terms with the fact that he sucked at drums and that he was bald and old and extremely ugly and took his life in his home in the early hours on April 4th 1994. This event would later be overshadowed by the death of Kurt Cobain, singer of pop band Nirvana. Phil's body was found 4 weeks later when Yorke decided he was hungry and went to the refrigerator for some cheese. Phil was cremated and the ashes of his body were kept in and urn on his mantlepiece.
His replacement was a young fellow called Roland.
Awards[edit | edit source]
Phil was voted Best drummer in the world ever by the C.A.D.A, The Compensatory Association for Disrespected Artists.